Epitaph for My Heart
by Pinkflutterby
Summary: The hardest thing to say. The hardest thing to do. The one thing neither of them wants. Goodbye.COMPLETED
1. Prolouge

**DISCLAIMER.** I do not own any of the characters from Dawson's creek nor the music used within this fanfic.

A/N. I promised a new fic and this is the beginning of it. Please give me some feedback.

**Epitaph for My Heart**

Prologue

She stroked her lover's side, languishing in the soft haze that was filling her mind. The sunlight danced along the edges of the room, illuminating the odd object here and there. They all held significance but really no significance at all. They did not belong to her or to him. But they would always be linked with his room, this aroma, this time. The blue glass vase, the wooden chest of drawers, the print of the boat on the ocean. All of it would trigger memories that would stay with her forever.

Because memories would have to be enough. They would never be in this room again, with each other in this way again.

When they rose, dressed and packed she intended never to see him again. Not a decision that was reached lighting or without vast consideration.

It was just the way it had to be, for either of them to move forward. A chance meeting on the streets of New York had provided the end. The constant circle of pain, rejection and heart ache had finally culminated last night.

_I'm in love. I'm going to ask her to marry me. _

Her heart had snapped, like a brittle twig in a high storm. She concealed all her emotions. She insisted on taking him to dinner, for a meal with a nice bottle of wine to celebrate. Well, maybe 4 or 5 bottles. She nodded and sighed at the tales of his new life and love. She shared nothing, carefully concealing her life. And then she insisted on getting him a hotel room, he was in no state to go home.

And then he insisted on saying goodbye, one last time.

They cried in unison, together long into the night. Pain and pleasure combined. Holding each other furiously, as if nothing would part them again. But she knew, in the back of her swirling mind, that everything that had gone before was leading to this moment.

The last goodbye.

She rose silently, careful not to disturb his sleep. She moved to the bathroom, picking her discarded clothes up along the way. Closing the door behind her, she was confronted by the mirror.

And there she stood. A 29 year old woman, make up smeared across her face. Her hair, normally secure into a tight bun or ponytail, stood on end. She lunged at the sink, splashing water across her face, desperate to remove all traces of the passion from the night before. She raked her hands through her hair, almost pulling it out in clumps where it was so knotted.

Facing her reflection again, after the clothes were on and the face paint removed, she was almost physically sick. Her emotions were splayed all over her face, her hurt she wore like her ill fitting shirt. Turning away, she silently promised herself she would never look like this again. She would never give herself the chance to look like this again.

He hadn't moved. He remained still, his face still blissfully serene. A small smile formed on his perfect lips.

She knew she couldn't risk waking him. As much as she wanted to have one last kiss, she knew this was the end.

Silently creeping across the room, she committed everything to memory. The colour of the room, the feel of the carpet on her toes, the scent of the hotel soap.

All of it.

She peered around the door one last time, taking in the sight of him.

'_Goodbye Dawson…'_


	2. I Wish

**DISCLAIMER. Song I Wish by Semisonic, not by me.**

**I Wish.**

_I Wish I could be anyone but the one that I am now,_

_I Wish I see any scene but the one I hang around,_

_I wish I could do anything but the things I always do,_

_No matter how I try to sing along_

_Something is always wrong_

_What I wish I knew._

_I wish I could drive in the car that you drive away the bay_

_I wish I could ride in the back seat your riding in today_

_I wish I could be more like someone you wish that I could be_

_No matter how I change in anyway_

_You won't even say_

_If you really want me,_

_I can try to please you,_

_Get down on my knees for you,_

_Go outside and freeze for you_

_Cross the high seas for you_

_Whatever you need me to_

_I could climb the trees for you_

_Twist in the breeze for you_

_But the one thing that I can never do_

_I can't believe for you_

_I can't believe in me for you._

**3 Years later:**

She sat on the couch, her knees up around her chest. Her faded college sweater was pulled down over them. To her right was a bucket of popcorn, to her left was a stack of magazines.

The television screen glowed as she drank another glass of wine. She was already down one bottle. She untangled herself from her cocoon and went to the fridge in her tiny studio apartment to get another bottle out. Her eyes never left the screen as she watched it intensely from her vantage point in the kitchen. Struggling to open the bottle with her expensive bottle opener, she tossed it aside for an older version. There were many examples of that in her life. New, shinny objects that never worked as well as their old, worn out counterparts.

Suddenly she grabbed the bottle and raced back to the couch.

'_Welcome back to E's coverage of the 87th Annual Academy Awards. I'm your host Jenny Silvers and things are just getting started here in Hollywood tonight in what promises to be an evening packed full of Hollywood glamour and style.' _

Her eyes remained transfixed to the screen as she watched the camera pan out, showing the man she had waited all evening to see.

'_I'm here now with Best Director nominee Dawson Leery, Dawson how are you this evening?'_

He smiled confidently, his companion firm on his arm. He was dressed the part too, tuxedo and neatly styled hair. His California tan was noticeable to her but probably not to everyone else.

'_I'm great Jenny, looking forward to a special night,'_

'_How do you think you are going to do this year? After missing out last year on Best Director for 'Love Lost Again', do you think you have a better chance this year?'_

He laughed, brushing aside his interviewer's concerns.

'_To be honest with you Jenny, I have no idea how this evening is going to pan out. It's just an honour to be nominated once more.'_

'_So who are you wearing tonight?'_

'_Armani, top to toe. They insisted and it makes life easier to get everything in one place!'_

The camera shot widened to show his companion. Her tan was even more obvious than his, obvious in that her tan was fake and not real. Her dress was classy but slightly sluttish, long and flowing but with a plunging neckline. Her hair was pinned up into an architectural style, hard and pointy. She smiled thinly as the attention drew onto her.

'_And this is your beautiful wife Gretchen. Are you looking forward to this evening?'_

'_Of course, I get to see the man I love in his element,' she replied quickly, looking uncomfortable with the attention._

'_So who are you wearing? Give us a spin!'_

Gretchen stood still, not pandering to the interviewer's request.

'_The dress is Williamson and the shoes are Gina. The bag is a family heirloom from home,' she said, continuing to smile thinly. _

'_So Dawson, how do you think 'Finding you,' is going to do overall? It been nominated in 5 categories,' _she said, getting the hint that Gretchen was not going to offer any more titbits.

'_Well I hope, as all directors do, that it's been well received. I would like some recognition to go to the actors. Natalie Portman was amazing, as she always is,'_

He smiled again, showing his now Hollywood perfect smile.

'_Well good luck Dawson, let's hope it's your year!' the interviewer said, winding the interview up. _

'_Thank you Jenny,' he said politely and then was escorted away by a multitude of PA's and PR men._

She pressed mute on the television and poured herself another glass of wine. Drinking in one luxurious sip, she drained her glass and started to refill it when the phone buzzed.

'Hello?'

'Did you just see that!' Audrey cried down the phone

'Yes I just saw that.' She answered slowly, unwilling to get in another conversation like this with her friend.

'He looks better than last year doesn't he?

'She looks more fake than last year,'

'Cosmetic surgery, it's the cancer of Hollywood.' Audrey herself was a seasoned pro of Hollywood, having starred in one season of The Creek.

'Call me when the nominations are read out okay?'

'Sure, bye,'

'Bye'

She hung the phone up and pulled herself back into her comfortable corner, grabbing the popcorn.

She had been doing this every year for the last 3 years, ever since she heard about how famous he had become from Bessie at home. She had, up until that point, avoiding reading scandal sheets or watching Entertainment Tonight.

When she last saw him he was about to get his big break, his film partnership with Spielberg after the success of his television show. They talked about it over dinner that last night.

His choice of Gretchen was obvious if not shocking to her. He'd told her he had only ever loved three women in his life and with Jen gone, her and Gretchen were the only ones left.

He'd even joked about them becoming brother and sister in law, if she had married Pacey. His joke fell flat on the floor when she revealed he had left her for Andie. Left her was actually a bit misleading. Came home to find them screwing on the couch would have been more accurate.

It was at that moment when the conversation had changed. Turned from being two old friends catching up to two adults flirting across a table in a dimly lit restaurant. It didn't matter about Gretchen. It didn't matter about Pacey. It was all about them at that moment.

The show started the same way it had done for the last 10 years. An embarrassing song and dance routine done by an increasingly over the hill Billy Crystal. He picked on the famous people in the crowd, picked on the titles of the films and then almost had a hernia doing some kind of stupid stunt.

It was getting lame. Really lame.

She could tell Dawson felt the same way when they cut to of a shot of him sitting in the audience, a pained expression on his face. He never bought into the Hollywood crap. She knew that. Gretchen, on the other hand, seemed to love it. The attention, the power, the money. None of it all hers but she wore it like she had earned it. Where the truth was she had married it.

Joey didn't go to the wedding, although most of Capeside did. Gretchen arranged an over the top affair in their Hollywood mansion, complete with orchestras and rose petals. Audrey said that most of the Capeside folk looked uncomfortable or confused and the Hollywood contingent looked bored.

Her invitation had never arrived; Bessie's neither for that matter. Bessie was soon back on the guest list the minute she alerted Gail to the discrepancy. But Joey didn't care. She wouldn't have wanted to be there, wherever it may have been and whomever he may have been marrying. Gail tried to get her to come, going as far as travelling to New York to see her. But Joey lied about work and commitments and not having enough money. Gail reluctantly gave up, a part of her knowing she may have lost her surrogate daughter forever. Amy and Lily got to be flower girls, Amy telling Joey that the dress was itchy and Gretchen was mean. Dawson had Jack as a best man, things between him and Pacey never being the same. Pacey went, of course with new wife Andie by his side, her pregnant stomach the final nail in any reconciliation Joey and Pacey may have had. But Joey didn't want that anyway. 'True Love' was actually scared, lonely people clinging to one another until something better came along. It had always been.

The wedding went without event or drama and Gretchen became Gretchen Leery. In a matter of a day, Joey drew a line under her old life and started a new one. She moved apartment. Only one floor up in her building but it was enough to make a change. She got promoted at the publishing company, to chief editor in charge of romance/drama. She swapped her long, chestnut looks for a short, dark brown style, long at the front and flicked at the back. She traded in her twin sets and warm colours for edgy, stylish outfits. Her glasses became a permanent fixture on her face. And she cut ties with as much of Capeside as she could bear.

She didn't go home for the holidays, rather had Bessie, Bodie and Alex to see her. The same went for Amy, Doug and Jack. Audrey was excluded from all this. She was her only friend in New York who knew of her past and had promised to keep it's rocky history a secret. Audrey still saw Dawson, was a regular on the show until he killed her character off. A move that Audrey was sure was not his decision.

She still heard bits about Dawson's new life from Bessie, who heard it from Gail. Gail didn't see much of him anymore. He never came home and when she went over to him, he would always end up being tied to work or a function that Gretchen had lined him up. In the end she just saw him on vacations.

Joey's life wasn't without love. She had several boyfriends, mostly casual things she would throw on like a new jacket. She hadn't been in love. She spent her evenings working or watching television and her weekends writing a novel, loosely based on her experiences as a child in Capeside.

She was lonely, although she would not admit it to anyone.

She watched attentively as the show unfolded, Dawson's film only winning the one award so far and that was for Best Actress for Natalie Portman. She gushed on about what a wonderful director he was, supportive and loving. Dawson blushed while Gretchen fumed.

Finally, it got to the award she had been waiting for.

Julie Roberts strode across the stage in her evening gown, a formal and respectable gown befitting someone her age. Her phone rang.

'Hello?'

'This is it!' Audrey squeaked down the phone.

'I know,'

'Do you think he will thank me in his speech?'

'No idea,' Joey said, watching the screen intensely. 'Shss, they are reading out the nominations.

'_And the nominations for Best Director are:_

_Forest Whitaker for Phenomenal Year_

_Tom Cruise for All About Us_

_Martin Scorsese for Underground_

_Matt Damon for The Train_

_And Dawson Leery for Finding You,'_

Each nomination was met with a round of applause but Dawson got the best response. Dawson smiled at the camera as all of the clips of the films started to show.

'He looks so relaxed, how does he do that?' Audrey said when the clips started.

'He's been here before remember? He's a Hollywood pro now,'

Natalie Portman's face filled the screen, a scene that Joey had seen repeatedly. She was crying while destroying a room in a rage. Her lead actor, some guy from Dawson's tv show, stood and watched. Suddenly she laughed out loud and threw herself onto him. The clip ended and the applause started again.

'This is it…' Audrey said.

'_And the Oscar goes to…..Dawson Leery for Finding You!'_

Joey caught her breath, hearing Audrey screaming down the phone in excitement.

Dawson, his face a sea of calm just moments before, jumped alive. He leaned over to Gretchen and kissed her on the cheek, haphazardly missing her lips. Gretchen held onto his arm tightly, as if she wanted to get a proper kiss but Dawson was being pulled away by his cast and crew who surrounded him.

Slowly he walked up to the stage, the audience on their feet clapping wildly. Joey couldn't help but cry softly.

He got to the podium and kissed Julia on the cheeks, like everyone in Hollywood seemed to be doing. She handed him his Oscar and he looked on it in amazement. Audrey's screaming had now got to the point where Joey placed the phone on the side table, so it would not be in her ear.

'_Wow. I'm….I'm lost for words. I know everyone says this but I was not expecting this. I've been nominated with some incredibly talent directors. I respect each and everyone one of them so thank you for your support. Hmmm… first I better say thank you to my cast and crew, Natalie, Tom and Kerr. You guys were amazing and you brought my script alive so thank you. Miramax, my agent and everyone at Creek Films. I've got to thank Steven Spielberg for being an inspiration and a role model for me since I was a child._

_Who else! Arhh I'm not used to this. '_

The audience laughed, more than willing to indulge the young director. The screaming had stopped and so Joey picked the phone up to her ear once more.

'You calmed down yet?' she asked while the audience laughed.

'No, you?'

'_I better thank my Mom and my sister Lily for always being there for me. My father, who is no longer with us, for providing me with guidance and faith constantly, Mmmm Jack, Doug, Amy, Bessie, Bodie, Alex, Andie, Pacey and Audrey for being the best friends and family I've ever had .I want to dedicate this to the memory of my friend Jen who was the inspiration behind the film and of course to my wife Gretchen.'_

The shot cut to Gretchen smiling at the stage, a slightly annoyed face playing on her face.

'He thanked me! Wahoo!' Audrey started screaming again.

The audience clapped politely and the music started but Dawson continued speaking.

'_Finally I want to dedicate this to my soul mate, my best friend. She inspired me to be a film maker and was the inspiration behind The Creek and Love Lost Again. I love her dearly and want her to know that I've finally made a film she could be proud of. So thank you Joey.'_

Joey lost her grip on the phone and let it drop to her side. There he was, the love of her life, the man she had left. There he was thanking her for his Oscar. He was on the brink of tears, his eyes full. He held the Oscar in the air and the music reached its crescendo.

The shot cut to his wife and the controlled scowl that was crossing her face. She applauded gently and slowly, never taking her eyes off him as he walked across the stage.

'_Who, Gretchen honey, I hope you know who this Joey person is….I can smell a divorce!' _Billy Crystal quipped as he started the next segment.

'Joey? Joey? JOEY!' Audrey screamed down the phone. But Joey couldn't hear her. She was in the bathroom vomited violently.


	3. Uninvited

**Uninvited.**

He had been back patted and hand shook by everyone in Hollywood. At least, it felt like he had been. Everyone grinned and clapped as he walked into the Governor's ball earlier that evening, still clutching the golden statue that he thought he would never win.

It was made even sweeter when the film went on the win best picture. 'Oscar material' was what all the critics said. 'The poignant tale of a daughter trying to discover the lost secrets of her dead mother,'

Yeah, it was an obvious thing to write. Anyone who knew him would have known what he was trying to do. He wanted to make something for Jen. For Amy, Jack and Doug too.

Part of him wanted to win the year before though, for his film about two lovers separated by circumstance. He was an open book sometimes, things just flooded out in his screenplays and before he knew it, he had re-written another chapter of his life. He wanted validation that his emotions were legitimate, that the love he had felt for her would not be swept under the rug.

The love he still felt for her.

When he awoke that morning 3 years ago, all traces of Gretchen had left his mind. It was all Joey. If he were honest with himself, Gretchen had been a reaction to hearing about her and Pacey. He was so wrapped up in his grief that when she called him from New York he let the news wash over him like a gentle wave. Later that week Gretchen had come to the offices to offer her condolences for Jen and he fell into a relationship with her. He had just about convinced himself that he could love her again when he went to New York. He knew why he really went there, to see Joey. He walked around her neighbourhood for hours, nervous for some reason. The choice was ultimately taken away from him when he ran head long into her. He remembered her hair blowing in the breeze, her nose red with cold.

That morning, alone in a strange bed in a strange city, was one of the lowest moments of his life. He called her cell, work and home numbers but all of them disconnected. Her e-mail address had been closed and the doorman at her builder had been told not to give him admittance. She had just gone.

He shook the thought out of his head and re-concentrated his eyes onto the unfolding Hollywood hills scenery, anything to distract him from the drama brewing in the back of the limo. He glanced over to his wife, she was still scowling. She had scowled all the way through the ball and onto the after show party. He could understand. A passing mention in his acceptance speech and a huge rambling love declaration for his lost love was not going to solidify his already shaky marriage.

The limo pulled through the gates of the home he shared with his wife and made its way up the driveway. He hated the house. Always had. It was large, impersonal and full of useless and expensive furniture. He had been away filming when she had picked it. They had happily been living in a small beach house, filled full of furniture that he had bought when he first moved over to California. He remembered sending Joey and Jen pictures of everything and asking them for advice on what was nice or not.

'_We can't stay here forever Dawson! It's not very secure…' _was all she said about it when he asked. Still mending his broken heart, completely washed out by work and missing his family, he just gave her access to his money and went off to film on location. When he returned, they were living the Hollywood dream, all his furniture had gone to goodwill and a wedding was pretty much planned without him.

Gretchen swung the door opened and marched towards the house.

'Thanks George, hope tonight wasn't too long for you,' Dawson said to the driver as he opened the door for him.

'Never Mr Leery, always a pleasure driving you. Congratulations again,' George said, taking a tip from Dawson. He never liked taking money off the kid, but he was one of the nicest men he had ever driven.

'Thanks George, see you tomorrow,' Dawson patted him on the back and made his way up to the house. She had switched the lights on in cavernous formal living room at the front of the house. She stood next to the fire place and tapped her long fingernails on it.

'So…' she said as he entered the room. He was still clutching his Oscar, he hadn't let it go all evening.

'What?' he answered. He knew what it was about; he hated playing these games with her but yet she sucked him in every time.

'My best friend, my soul mate?' she said incredulously.

'Don't start Gretch. It's too late and I'm too tired.' He strode past her into the kitchen, pulling a bottle of water out of the vast expanse inside his fridge. Why they had a fridge that big was beyond him. She never cooked and he was never in.

'So I am supposed to let you embarrass me in front of the entire world and I'm not allowed to talk to you about it?'

'I didn't intend to embarrass you. I just got carried away. I promise in all my follow up interviews I will mention you,' he downed the bottle and threw it in the trash can, walking past her again and heading for the stairs.

'You're interviews aren't what they are going to play repeatedly on the television over the next month.' She whined, following him up the stairs.

'Look, you got what you wanted okay? You got to wear the hugely expensive dress, do the Hollywood party scene. You got to do all of it. Why should you care? You didn't care when I made the damm film,'

Gretchen stopped on the stairs and looked at his back as he stormed off into his den, slamming the door behind him. His apparent anger was not going to deter her this time.

'Get out,' he said as she opened the door.

'I'm not done yet,' she retorted, lowering herself onto his couch.

'I am. Go,' he said calming, placing his Oscar in the trophy case that Gretchen had set up.

'Why did you thank her? It's not like she even acknowledges you anymore. I'd be surprised if she gave you a passing thought.'

'Get out!' he screamed, slamming the glass cabinet with such force it shattered.

She remained unmoved. Growing up in a family where casual moments of aggression were common place had made her all but numb to Dawson's occasional outbursts.

'Touchy touchy,' she teased. She knew how to push his buttons.

'What do you want from me? Do you want me to release a statement saying that I was not in sound mind when I accepted my Oscar and I didn't mean to thank my best friend?'

'Listen to yourself Dawson; she's not your best friend anymore. She cut you and my brother out of her life.'

'Your brother cut himself out of her life when he cheated on her,' Dawson replied coolly.

'Only because she wasn't all there, wasn't giving him what he wanted. He would never had run to Andie if Joey would have been there for him.' Gretchen continued to tighten to rack stretching Dawson's heart.

'Cut to the chase…'

'You promised. You said once the Oscars were out of the way we could have a child.' She said, her tone softening.

Dawson ran his hand through his hair. The last ting he wanted to do was add a child to his already failing marriage.

'I know but…'

'Oh no, not again. This is the 5th time you have promised me this and failed to come through. I'm sick of it Dawson.' She stormed out of the room and into their bedroom, slamming the door for effect after she left.

He knew she wanted him to follow her into their bedroom to continue the argument but Dawson was sick and tired. He wanted to escape, anywhere would be good. He considered his commitments carefully. He had no other film work lined up, The Creek had wrapped last year and he had nothing written. He was drained emotionally and creatively. A holiday perhaps?

The idea of being stuck with Gretchen anywhere made him shiver. He didn't hate her, that wasn't it. When they were first together they were pleasant enough. She wasn't Joey but Dawson knew he couldn't pine after a woman who clearly wanted nothing to do with him. And then he cast her as a film reviewer on The Creek, based loosely on the one night stand he had with a girl once in Boston, mostly because she had charmed her way in with the executives over a dinner party. She wasn't a bad actress but the audiences loved the connection between the director and little known novice. The network insisted she join the cast, at least for the rest of the season. So the writers wrote her in awkwardly, rubbing the rest of the cast up the wrong way. Audrey especially.

He smiled when he thought of Audrey, all blonde hair and smiles. She was an amazing actress and I moment she was free he cast her as her own character, Angela based on Audrey. She was a loyal friend too. As much as he begged and pleaded to know where Joey was she wouldn't relent. She said that all he needed to know was she was fine and when she was ready, she would contact him. She never did. Audrey came to the wedding, was polite and kind to everyone but managed to upset Gretchen when she confronted Pacey about Joey.

'_This isn't the time Audrey…'_

'_Why? Surely it wasn't the time to be cheating on Joey but whoops there you go,'_

'_It was wrong of me, I know that. But I had to follow my heart and Andie was that.'_

'_Yeah well, you could have followed your heart somewhere else then on Joey's couch,'_

'_Will please shut up and stop drawing attention to yourself. It's my wedding day and I will not have it ruined by an over dramatic actress with a penchant for hysteria.' Gretchen interrupted._

'_Don't you mean yours and Dawson's wedding?'_

'_What?' she hissed under her breath, seeing that people where watching the exchange with interest._

'_You said 'my' wedding day. Surely Dawson was involved somewhere down the line?' Audrey smiled and took a sip of her drink._

_Gretchen glared at her and stormed off into the house._

Pacey left shortly afterwards, much to the relief of Dawson who was finding it hard to control his rage towards him. As much as he loved Andie, he couldn't understand why Pacey had done it to Joey after chasing her for so long.

A few weeks later he got a request from the executives that Audrey had to be cut from the show, too temperamental and difficult to work with were reasons given. Dawson knew it was false; Audrey had been one of his most reliable actress's. When Gretchen was questioned all she said was she had had a meeting with one of the executives about her character's development and they spoke a little of Audrey and her character's chances of making it into the final season.

'_They were already gunning for her Dawson; nothing I said would have saved her. Maybe it's for the best anyway,'_

Audrey shot her final scenes, had a massive leaving party and caught a plan to New York to work on Broadway. Dawson still called her and had given her bit parts in both of his movies but he could sense the distance between the two of them.

He looked down at his cell phone, switched off before the ceremony. Turning it on, he shut the doors to his den and poured himself a strong drink.

First all the text messages came through, mostly from family and friends. He had spoken to his mom from the car on the driver's phone. She had thrown a massive party and had all of the Capeside crew there, even Pacey, Andie and their child Tabitha. He could here the drunken celebrations in the background as his mother gushed about how beautiful his acceptance speech was.

'_That was lovely what you said about Joey. I'm sure she will call you,'_

Pressing his voicemail button he had only 3 messages, most of the industry probably calling his office number. The first from his mother asking about coming to visit and the 2nd from a very over excited Audrey, demanding a visit of her own.

He deleted both and began to listen to the third.

'_Umm…Hi Dawson. It's Joey. I just wanted to say congratulations. The film is amazing and I'm so glad you got some recognition…and you were right…I am very proud of you. Bye Dawson,' _

Dawson froze when he heard her voice, its freshness echoing down the phone line. He listened several times to the message, over and over again, trying to get some clue about anything. She had withheld her number so he couldn't call her back. He listened to the message again and again and again. He could feel himself drifting to sleep. Settling on his couch, resting his head on a scatter cushion, he held the phone to his ear and just kept listening to her voice.

Listening to the voice of a ghost.


	4. Point of No Return

**A/N **By popular demand, here are the next two updates from this angst ridden story. Enjoy

**Point of No Return.**

Walking the streets of New York had always provided Joey with some kind of comfort. Being anonymous, no one knowing her or her history. She could feel the city embrace her thoughts and wishes and never asking anything in return.

In New York she could be anyone she wanted to be.

Or at least she could have. Before Dawson's declaration of undying friendship for her to the world. Now the world knew her business. Sitting on her sofa, working from home for the 4th day running, manuscripts and magazines lying everywhere, Joey's mind was far from her job.

The morning after the ceremony, she awoke with a fuzzy head. She couldn't handle what she had done, phoning Dawson and leaving the message, so she polished off another bottle of wine. Her head was swimming with thoughts of what she had said, what it had all meant.

But mostly what he was now thinking. His words kept ringing around her mind. It appeared that he still had some kind of feelings for her. She did not expect this and this shocked her most of all.

That morning she got dressed like she did everyday, brushed her teeth and combed her hair, drank her coffee and ate her toast.

But then the phone rang.

'_You better switch on the television, the today show is talking about you,' Audrey said quietly, obviously deep in hangover hell._

Joey nervously pressed the button too see her face, an old high school photo of herself next to Dawson. She remembered the picture; it was one in the yearbook.

'_So now the question everyone is asking, who is his soulmate? Well we can exclusively reveal that Joey Potter was Leery's best friend in high school and, according to our exclusive source, his lost love. Having confessed in several interviews that she was his main muse for most of his projects, they have not spoken or seen each other in years. Speculation is rife in their home town, Capeside, but most people point to his marriage to Gretchen Witter, star of his hit show The Creek. Press officers from his camp have refused to give any further information, but this is set to run and run. Kent?_

_Thanks Dianne, so what about the other winners on the night?_

From that moment, Joey's life changed. She left her building but found it covered with reporters. Luckily, because the photo's they had for her were out of date, she could slip out undetected. At work she was not so anonymous. People knew and remembered Dawson. They remembered the calls he would make to her office when she just began and the flowers he sent her on her birthday one year.

Her boss called her into his office first thing that morning and ordered her to work form home for the foreseeable future, the disruption from her private life being unacceptable. Joey tried to defend herself but she knew in her heart it was true. She saw the looks and side glances everyone in the office had gave her.

It was like High School all over again.

She slunk home, facing a barrage of reporters and again slipping past.

_God these people are dumb. _

And so she practically became a recluse. Audrey popped in and dropped off food supplies and magazines (mostly with pictures of herself plastered all over them), provided a shoulder to cry on when she felt low and together they laughed at the early reports of her life.

'_Did you know that I got married to a Frenchman called Philippe and he is the reason we are not together?'_

'_Of course, I was there, according to the enquirer.'_

'_Wait, but aren't you my long lost sister in this one?' _

But all the laughter stopped on the 2nd day when Us magazine landed on her mat.

_TRUE STORY OF LEERY/ POTTER ROMANCE._

…_The budding romance was shattered forever when Potter's convict father returned to town and the courageous Leery shopped him to the police for drug trafficking. Potter swore she would never speak to him again, having to again support her unmarried sister and her child when her father returned to jail, and the two young lovers were torn apart._

_Shortly after Potter began an ill-fated relationship with Pacey Witter, Gretchen's younger brother, around the same time as Leery met and fell in love with his wife. Their tempestuous relationship came to an abrupt end when Potter abandoned the sleepy town and her teenage love for her dream of an Ivy League education at the prestigious Worthington College._

_During this time she became good friends with Audrey Lidell, one time extra on the series The Creek. Her relationship with Leery was all but dead but when he came to visit, during a lengthy break in his relationship with main love Gretchen, they reconnected. However, things did not work out once again and they did not meet until the death of their friend Jennifer Lindley…_

…_When Leery found his long lost love Gretchen sparks flew and he realised at once she was the woman he had been yearning for all his life. They married quickly, a move that disgruntled a jealous Potter, who was recovering from a disastrous relationship breakdown with one time love, Pacey Witter. To this day they have not spoken._

_When questioned, a close family friend said that their friendship was all but over 'She hasn't even acknowledged him for years, I can imagine he was just trying to reconnect with a long lost friend and nothing more…' Close friends of the star say that he has no intention of trying to contact her again, being so wounded by previous attempts at trying to reconnect._

_As for Potter, she has been living a near hermit life in New York, a chief editor for a major publishing company. Co workers have said she keeps herself to herself and doesn't socialise…_

Joey tore the magazine in two and locked the doors. She called her boss to see if she could take a sabbatical and he whole heartedly agreed, as long as she finished the projects she had outstanding.

And that's what she was trying to do. 3 manuscripts, all almost finished, mixed in with further magazine tales of her soap opera life. It didn't take long for details about her family to come out, her mother dying and her father's full crime sheet. Ex boyfriends sold stories to the press, their familiar names popping up again and again. Bessie called often, telling about the press invasion of Capeside. She found reporters going through her trash and trying to book rooms on the B&B.

But all Joey could think of was Dawson. She wanted to know what he felt. Audrey had spoken to him but refused to divulge any information, an agreement she had with herself not to play them off against each other.

Her phone rang, shaking her mind from its swirling thoughts. She checked the ID and recognised the number at once.

'Hey Bessie,' she tried to say as light-heartedly.

'Joey, Joey? It's Gail,'

Joey sat in stunned silence. She hadn't spoken to Gail since she had come to New York years ago to beg her to come to the wedding.

'Gail? How are you, I….it's lovely to hear from you,'

'You're probably wondering why I am calling from Bessie's?'

'Yeah, kinda,' Joey tucked a few wispy bits of hair behind her ears.

'My phone number had to be changed to anonymous and I'm guessing you aren't picking the phone up,'

'Yeah, it's been kinda hectic. I've had to change my number too,' Joey curled up on the sofa, tucking her legs up underneath her. She felt like a child again.

'How are you doing? It's been a nightmare here,'

'Same here. But Audrey's been looking out for me.' Joey didn't want to be having this conversation.

'Joey, I was calling because Bessie said you were finding it difficult with all the press attention. I saw Us, I don't know who would have known all that and sold it,'

'Well, I am infamous in Capeside. Most people knew about my old life,'

'Yeah, but all that stuff about your college life. Was it true?'

Joey sucked her breath in. 'Most of it, not the stuff about me and my professor.'

'I just don't know who would give them that information. I'm so sorry Joey,'

'Yeah well, it's okay,' Joey lied. The truth was she had cried all the previous night.

'Are you coming home any time soon?' Gail asked hopefully.

'Umm, I don't know Gail. Work is hectic and it's difficult for me to go anywhere with all the attention,'

'Oh okay. Well Bessie has my new number if you need to talk to me. You know you are welcome any time Joey, don't you?'

'I know. Thank you Gail,' Joey softly brushed her silent tears away from her face.

'Bye Joey,' the phone went dead.

Joey tossed her phone down on the sofa and stood up to gaze on her city.

Her city.

She laughed bitterly at the thought that this city was hers. It had all but shut her out over the last few days. It no longer provided her with the secrecy, the quiet that she craved.

Maybe she could go back.

She shook her head furiously.

_Great idea Joey, go back to the place where everyone knows who you are and where you come from. Where the world's press is waiting for you._

Joey saw her phone buzz again, her heart jumping for the fiftieth time that day. It was a text message.

_I miss you Joey. It's unbearable without you. Come home soon. Love Bessie.xxxxx_

Maybe it was time…


	5. Take Me Away

**Take Me Away**

'Thanks for that Dawson, it's always a pleasure. And congratulations on your Oscar win,'

'Thanks Jenny. Bye bye,' He hung the phone up on his final telephone interview of the day.

Life in the sun and warmth of LA had become one long line of interviews and questions about his private life, none of which he was willing to answer. His standard answer to any Joey question was simple.

'_She's my dear friend and I miss her. I wanted to acknowledge her for all that she's given me' '_

That wasn't the truth. Anyone who really knew him would know that. But that was all he was willing to say on the matter.

He knew the hell she must be going through and he cursed himself everyday. He was so wrapped up in the moment that he didn't consider that Joey had skeletons, ones she wouldn't have wanted the world to know.

_No wonder she doesn't want to know me._

He had his suspicions about the Us Magazine source. Gretchen came out too clean for it to be unrelated to her. Some of the things about Joey in her college years were also so vague as to come from someone who wasn't around, had heard it from a friend of a friend. It wasn't the first time she had done this. Last year there was a spate of articles relating to them trying for a baby, too many for Dawson to ignore. It came up in every interview. Gretchen made him go to a Yoga class with her once, only to discover it was one for pregnant women. The pictures were all over the gossips sheets the next week.

Not that Gretchen wasn't getting back all she deserved. Most of the other articles either didn't mention her or cast her as the evil Hollywood starlet that had torn the two lovers apart. He had had a private giggle at a couple of them.

But she was right; none of the press was concentrating on his success. It was all about his long lost love and his history in Capeside. About the woman that got away and was 'torturing his artistic soul'.

He liked that quote the best.

He stood up and looked out of his den window. The view was lousy, even in the mid morning sun, mostly of the back garden. His elaborate pool looked like a set out of the Flintstones movie but it was the fashionable choice for all Hollywood movie stars. Fashionable being the operative word. Attractive wasn't the word that came to mind.

Gretchen was sunbathing on the deck, her mini I-Pod plugged into her ears, a drink by her side. He couldn't recall when she changed so much. He knew it was shortly after he came back from New York on his trip. Maybe it was his guilty conscience or his heartbroken state, but he asked her to marry him in the most over the top way possible. On the beach, with fireworks and a 3 piece orchestra playing her favourite song. She was so taken aback she said yes. And then one day she came home, decided they had to move and started to plan a quick yet elaborate wedding. Then she got her job on The Creek and things started to go down hill fast.

But Dawson was too pre-occupied to notice the masses of celebrity friends she had accumulated or the sudden change in her image. She had gone from sweet, home town girl to polished nails and fake tan in a few months. Her image caused havoc on set, where she was cast as a down to earth and realistic film critic to spar with Coby. Luckily, she was more than willing to change her image for the camera and in those brief moments through the magic of the camera lens, Dawson convinced himself it would all be okay.

When she arrived on the wedding day, her dress simple and her hair elegant, he felt better about their relationship. It wasn't until the reception that things started to go down hill.

'_Hey Mrs Leery, what's going on over there?' Dawson said, pulling Gretchen into her arms as she stormed away from Audrey and Pacey._

'_Just your friend upstaging me on my day. Why is she here anyway?' Gretchen spat._

'_Whoa. What's brought this on?' Dawson tried to smooth her hair down but she batted his hand away._

'_That bitch is stirring trouble with Pacey, accusing him of being a liar and a cheat…'_

'_Not to cause an argument here Gretch, but you've gotta see it from her point of view. He cheated on her best friend for the best part of a year,' Dawson said casually, seeing Pacey move towards Andie and begin to talk in hushed tones. _

'_Well you're her best friend too? Why aren't you there defending her honour? I thought you would be first in line…'_

_Dawson stood stunned for a moment at the hate in her voice. She stared daggers at Audrey's back and snatched a drink from a nearby waitress._

'_Whatever I feel towards Pacey is immaterial now. He's my brother in law and all of that is now in the past,'_

'_You better remember that Dawson, for all our sakes,' She downed her drink angrily and replaced her scowl with a huge, fake smile before making her way across to some of the network executives that had come to the wedding. _

Dawson felt the chill go down his spine as he did that day, standing alone in a crowd full of people he barely knew. He remembered the happy but guarded faces of his mother and Bessie, who were standing close by. They knew. They knew the true state of his marriage but they were the only ones. He couldn't confide in Jack or Andie, both of them married into the family.

Occasionally he would talk to Jen, in his day dreams or alone on the beach at night. He would sometimes drive there to try and make sense of everything.

He was more alone than he had ever felt before and he didn't know what to do to fix it.

His cell rang again, impatiently on his desk.

'Hey Mom,'

'Hello my little Oscar winner.'

'You can stop calling me that you know, it's not my new name,' Dawson said, a red flush coming across his face. He lowered himself onto his couch and looked around his room at the photos on the wall. All of his friends and family. Well, all but one friend.

'What? A mother can't be proud. Thought I would call to thank you for the chaos that has descended onto town,'

'Sorry. How are Bessie and Bodie?'

'Okay, most of the press have left now. They've got the best dirt and have moved on. Some of the things you've said has made them realise there is no story here.' Gail said quietly.

'Cryptic mom, what do you mean?'

'Not that I read it, but in the Gossip hound it says you and Gretchen are trying for a baby? Direct quote from you.'

'Jesus Christ…' he raked his hand through his hair again.

'So when were you going to tell ole' granny here?'

'It's a lie Mom, we are not trying to have a baby. I can guarantee that…' his sentence trailed off as he saw movement on the deck.

'How are things… ?'

'Well remember Christmas?' Dawson watched as Gretchen stood up and moved towards the house.

'Yeah?'

'Worse,'

'Ouch, you wanna come home? A visit it long overdue.'

'Actually, I was considering it. I'll get back to you,' Dawson moved away from the window and headed to the den door, twisting the lock firmly at the sound of Gretchen's footstep on the stairs.

'Okay Honey, I love you.'

'Love you too Mom,'

'Bye.' She hung up and turned to face Bessie.

'_Well?' she said, clutching her coffee mug with anticipation._

'_We will have to wait and see,' Gail said, touching Bessie's arm affectionately._

Dawson opened the secret drawers under his sofa and pulled out the battered slim book that had become his secret haven, his hideaway. He carefully opened the book and feasted on the pictures and words inside. Joey's young face shone up at him, her hair brushing her shoulders with the un-styled fashion it used to. She was laughing, sitting on the edge of the dock with Jen. Dawson remembered when the picture was taken, the day before he left for USC. He traced his finger across her face and smiled.

'Dawson? Dawson!' Gretchen screamed.

'Yes?' he shouted back, quickly closing the book and throwing it under his sofa.

'What are you doing in there,' she said rattling the door.' Is this door locked?'

'I'm doing telephone interviews honey, I didn't want to be disturbed.

'Oh, well remember you promised to take me to the premier tonight. You need to get ready soon; you have an appointment at the tailor'

Dawson grimaced. He remembered in the middle of the arguments they had been having over the last 4 days he had bargained with an appearance at a major event. The new Spielberg film was the only thing high profile enough for her to agree on.

'Yeah honey, I will be out in a minute.'

He had to find a way out of here, someway.

'Okay, well don't be too long. We have to look perfect tonight.' Her voice disappeared down the hall and behind the door of her bedroom. He could hardly think of the flamboyant room as his own, having not slept in it for months.

He picked up his cell phone and scrolled through his address book.

'Mom, hi it's me again. I was thinking, how would you like me to fly out today?'

He lowered his voice.

'Yeah? Well I need you to do something for me…'

5 minutes later Gretchen was in front of her full length mirror, admiring her designer dress she was holding in front of her.

_Damm her and damm him. I'm going to look fabulous tonight._

Suddenly her phone rang. She glanced at it ringing on the bed and then back at her reflection.

_I'll leave it, it's not important._

The ringing stopped and she went back to admiring herself. The dress was certainly attention grabbing and hopefully enough to lure Dawson back into their bedroom that night.

The phone rang again.

'Alright, you win, you win.'

She stormed over and grabbed the phone, dropping her dress on the bed. The caller ID showed it was a Capeside number but not one she knew.

'Hello?'

'Gretchen? Oh thank god I got hold of you, it's Gail,'

'Gail? What's wrong?' Gretchen softened when she heard the concern in her voice.

'I can't get hold of Dawson. His cell has been tied up all day.'

'Well, he's doing interviews. I can pass on a message if it's important,'

'It is. His Aunt Gwen's fallen really ill. I need him to come home at once.'

'Really? Well how ill? We have plans this evening,' she said distractedly. Gail had done this before, although she never sounded as concerned before.

'She's had a stroke Gretchen and I need my son home. Please can you tell him it is urgent I speak to him or I will call every five minutes until I get hold of him,' Gail fumed down the phone. She had had enough of Gretchen's games.

Gretchen's face went white with the realisation she had gone too far. Gail had always had a way of silencing her.

'Sorry Gail, wait a second I will interrupt him,'

She scurried down the hall and banged on the den's door.

'Dawson! Dawson it's your mom, it's an emergency,'

The door flew open quickly.

'What?'

'It's your Aunt Gwen, she's had a stroke,'

She passed the phone and watched as Dawson's face fell.

'Hello?'

'So what would you like for dinner? We can eat at home or at the restaurant' Gail said calmly.

'Oh my god! She had a stroke at the restaurant? Is she okay?' Dawson overacted.

'Wonderful I'll book a table; do you want me to invite Bessie and Bodie?'

'Bessie and Bodie are there helping you? That's a good thing.'

'So anything else you will be requiring?' Gail smiled at Bessie while giving the thumbs up.

'No, no. I will fly out at once. I will call you with the flight details'

'Okay honey, I love you,'

'Bye,' Dawson hung up and turned to face Gretchen.

'I'm sorry I have to…'

'…go home? I'll come too,'

'No!' he said, maybe a little two quickly.

'What?' she said suspiciously.

'You have that screen test for that movie tomorrow. I wouldn't have you miss that. I'll go and then call you if you need to join okay?' Dawson grabbed her hands and gave them a reassuring squeeze.

She eyed him up and down and then nodded slowly. 'Okay, is it alright if I still go tonight? I can go with Deborah'

Dawson tried to control his glee at the apparent ease at which she said yes.

'Sure, I'm sure she would love to go. I better get a flight booked.'

'Do you need me to pack?' she asked, as he disappeared into his den once more.

'No, I'll just throw a couple of changes into a bag. Don't worry.'

'Oh shoot, I have to go to the hairdresser's. Call me when you get there okay?' she said, kissing him lightly on the cheek.

'I will. Enjoy tonight,' he said as he watched her jog down the stairs and then out the door.

He quickly called his PA and asked for a first class ticket to Boston, one way, with a car waiting for him the other side.

_If I'm going to escape, I'm doing it in style._

Packing he considered what he was doing.

_Surely this is what abused women do to escape their husbands? What has become of us?_

His PA rang and confirmed he was on the next flight, landing him in Boston early evening. He made it clear to her that he was going for several weeks and was not to be disturbed, not by anyone for any reason. If he was going to do this, he needed time to consider the future. He redialled his mother's number again.

'Hi Mom, operation escape worked. I'll be in Capeside by this evening….yeah I love you too. Bye,'

Standing outside his front door, waiting for the car to come and get him, he felt free for the first time in years. Free from responsibility and free from the constant haunting image of his failing marriage.

But he felt truly free when he felt the plane left the ground and away from LA.

Perhaps forever.


	6. Get Away

**Get Away**

Driving on the open road was something that Dawson hadn't done in a long, long time. LA driving was really parking repeatedly, there being no roads not congested. And even then he only ever got to drive on the rare occasion a car wasn't sent for him. He understood the reasons why he had to have a driver, and he thought his driver George was a great man, but he longed to just drive. It was another freedom of his he felt was taken away by his celebrity.

_Stop it Dawson, you are lucky. Don't you ever forget that…_

It was a last minute decision when he landed in Boston to rent a car rather than have a driver. The familiar surrounding made it seem like it was the first year of university again and he was on the way home to see his mom, dad and Lily.

But of course it wasn't. That time was long ago and the people who filled his life then mostly gone. With a few exceptions.

Considering that, due to fate, he had become related to most of his friends, he never saw them much. Jack and Doug were so wrapped up in looking after Amy that their visits were almost nil, where as Pacey and Andie were a difficult and awkward situation. He loved them both and, secretly, was relived that Pacey hadn't married Joey. But it still angered him that Pacey could throw away the love of an amazing woman, after spending the best part of his adult life fighting for it.

And then there was Jen. A wound that would never heal, a part of his

heart that would forever belong to her.

The evening was starting to fall over the cape and he could see the looming sign signalling his return to the ever familiar fold.

_Welcome to Capeside!_

_Drive carefully please._

The charm of his hometown washed over him like a ripple in a warm bath. The familiarity of his surroundings put him at ease at once and he smiled an honest and relieved smile.

_I'm home._

He glanced at the blinking clock on the dashboard and realised it was best if he went straight to the restaurant. Turning onto Main Street he noted that most of the stores were the same, the coffee shop and the grocery store. Even the video shop was the same.

The lights twinkled on the boardwalk as he swung the car into the parking bay by his family's restaurant. He switched of the engine and stopped to watch the passer's by walking along the familiar streets. The weather was considerably different in Capeside to California, the icy air biting through the hearts of all who ventured outside.

But for Dawson, it was a welcome breeze. LA felt stale. The same re-circulated air he had breathed for the last 3 years. Life here felt fresh, felt real. He pulled on his coat, grabbed his carry on bag and headed out into the cold evening, his hat pulled down low as to not be seen.

The light glowed from the restaurant but the blind were pulled down over the floor to ceiling windows. When he got to the front door he saw the reason, a small sign blue tacked on in his mother's writing.

_Closed for private function._

He pushed the door slightly and the smell of his teenage years wafted through the air. Bodie's gumbo, cinnamon steamed pudding and delicate coffee.

'Sorry can I help you sir? We are closed for a private booking?' a young voice said.

'Is Gail Leery here?' Dawson said, not looking at the girl directly in case she recognised him.

'Sure,' she said, turning away and stopping at the bar.

'MOM, DAWSON'S HERE,' She shouted loudly.

Dawson pulled of his hat and smiled at his younger sister. It was a game they played whenever he came home, his joke that she was growing up too fast and he could never recognise her. He swooped he young girl up into the air, planting multiple kisses on her head while she giggled wildly.

'Stop it…Dawson….ewwwww,' she squirmed in his arms, secretly thrilled that her older brother was home.

'What? An older brother can't be pleased to see his baby sister.'

'Less of the baby Mr,' Lily said back quickly, taking Dawson's coat and throwing it onto the bar.

'Oh your home!' Gail squealed as she walked in from the kitchen, her husband John behind her smiling. She lunged at Dawson protectively, wrapping her arms around her son firmly. She could feel he was losing weight and looking at his face, he obviously hadn't slept in weeks.

'Hi mom,' her said, muffled by her shoulder. 'I'm home,'

_llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll _

'Go home,'

'Shut up,'

'Go Home!' Audrey screamed, throwing a cushion across the room at her.

'Hey! Thanks for being a friend and all,' Joey said sarcastically, laughing at her friends insistent ways.

Audrey had come around with food 30 minutes ago and 29 minutes had been taken up by pleading and begging.

'I am your best friend Joey Potter and thus I am telling you what your heart needs to hear. Go home, see your family, bury your ghosts and then come back here. Then we can get smashed out of our brains and actually lead the 'Sex and the city' lifestyle you promised me all those years ago, opposed to the 'Librarian in the city' life you have been living,'

Joey gave Audrey an evil look and ignored her. She wasn't going to be drawn into yet another argument over whether she should or shouldn't be going home. It was sad to think that Audrey had been back to Capeside more than she had in the last 3 years, but that was only for scenes shot for Dawson's first movie.

Her attention was drawn to the TV and she continued to flick until she landed on E. The channel which had been her stable diet had become her arch nemesis this last week. She turned over to the next channel.

'Wait, go back,' Audrey said, suddenly, standing up to be closer to the TV.

Joey obeyed and turned it back to E. A Hollywood premier filled the screen, all the glitz and glamour from the previous week but with less A list stars and more It girls. Joey spotted an aging Paris Hilton and grimaced. She was wearing a dress which left little to the imagination.

'God you think that woman would have learnt her lesson by now,' Joey muttered under her breath.

'What was that?'

'Nothing. What is this anyway? Why are you so interested?' Joey stood up and went to the fridge to retrieve a soft drink.

'It's that new Spielberg film, I thought you might want to see if golden boy had anything to say this time…'

'Audrey, turn that off. I am not in the mood to be…' Joey started but soon saw Gretchen's face fill the screen.

'_Well Gretchen Leery it is so nice to see you here. Come to support the famous director?' the cheesy reporter asked._

'_Of course, he is an idol of mine and my husband.' She answered sweetly, her bleach white teeth clashing wildly with her tan._

'_Speaking of the Oscar winner, where is he this evening?'_

'_There was a family emergency he had to attend but he sent me to lend our support,' her brilliant smile was fading fast, with an impatient elderly gentleman tugging at her arm. _

'_Well, pass on our good wishes and we hope to see him soon,' the host said, turning his attention to the camera quickly, all but ignoring Gretchen._

Joey muted the TV at once and called Bessie.

'No one is answering…Damm,' she said, slamming the phone down.

'Can't you call the Leery house?'

'No, they've changed their number and I forgot to ask Bessie what it was,'

'Call her cell,' Audrey ordered.

Joey pressed her speed dial for Bessie and Bodie's cell phones but neither were picking up.

'They must have changed their numbers too,'

Audrey got to her feet and made her way to Joey's bedroom.

'Call the restaurant, someone there must know,' she said as she passed her.

Joey checked her cell phone for the number and dialled the number nervously. What could it be? Was it Gail or Lily?

'Thank you for calling Leery's Fresh Fish. I am afraid that the restaurant is closed. If you would like to book a table…'

'No answer,' Joey flopped down on the couch again. 'This is hopeless.'

'You know, I could call Dawson and ask. I promise you wouldn't have to speak to him.' Audrey said from the bedroom.

Joey's stomach jumped with the thought that he was just a phone call away. Joey nodded her head solemnly and turned her back on Audrey. She could hear the click of her phone.

' Hello can I speak to Dawson please?...No….no it is urgent, I'm his friend Audrey….well can you tell me…..thanks a lot,' she snapped her phone shut and walked out into the living room. 'His PA said he is not to be contacted as he was in the middle of a family emergency.'

'I…I don't know who else to call…'Joey started but stopped when she saw what was in Audrey's hand.

'The time for talking has gone. Go home,' she dropped Joey's packed bag at her feet.

'But I…I think….this is a bad…' Joey stuttered.

'Joey Potter don't make me kick your ass all the way to Capeside,'

'Will you come?' she said pathetically.

'I can't tonight bunny, I have a casting tomorrow. But I will come tomorrow night if you want?' Audrey sat next to her and took her trembling hands.

'Okay. How…'

'There is a train that leaves Grand Central for Capeside in 25 minute, if we get you in a cab now we can get you home before midnight,'

'How did you know?' Joey said suspiciously.

'I was hoping that you might have changed your mind about going home so I looked up the train times,' Audrey said quickly, getting to her and feet and grabbing Joey's coat. 'Now get going okay? I'll stay in here. The wolves downstairs will guess who you are if we both make an appearance,' She wrapped Joey's scarf around her neck and pulled her woolly hat down over her hair.

Joey felt like things were moving too fast, that this was unreal. But by the time she could protest she was in the elevator, bag in hand, ticket in pocket. She snuck past the waiting press once more and got into the cab the doorman hailed, winking at her conspiratorially as she got in.

She got to the station just in time for the train, running down the long platform and jumping aboard without a second thought. It almost reminded her of the night she spent in New York with Jen all those years ago.

She collapsed in a seat and felt the train move slowly out of the station.

_God, what am I doing…_

Back in Joey's apartment Audrey was throwing all the leftovers into the bin when her cell phone buzzed. Smiling she picked it up.

'Hello….yeah, she's on her way home now…by the way, is everything okay with the Leery's?...oh I see, you sneaky woman….okay I will see you later Bessie…bye!'

_llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll _

'That was lovely Mom, thanks,' Dawson said, rubbing his stomach.

'Don't thank me, thank the chef.' Gail said, picking up Dawson's plate and stacking it with the others.

'Well, thank you Bodie. Your cooking has gotten better, if that was at all possible.'

'Thank you Dawson, it's good to have you home,' he patted him on the shoulder.

'I'm sorry if everything has been crazy here recently.' He said shyly, playing with his empty glass.

'Don't worry about it Dawson, its okay. We are just so proud of you,' Bessie smiled widely at the man who she had long thought of as her little brother.

'Thank Bess.'

They spent the rest of the evening chatting over wine and memories, talking about local gossip and hearsay. All of them avoided the taboo subjects of both Joey and Gretchen. John made a subtle exit with Lily when she fell asleep in his lap, Dawson smiling at his step dad and the apparent love he felt for her. He was glad that she had someone to look after her. Dawson couldn't help but notice that Bessie kept starring at the clock behind the bar, nervously tapping the table.

'You okay Bessie?' Dawson said, downing his soft drink.

'Huh…mmm yeah, Alex went on a school trip and doesn't get back until 11.30 at the train station,'

'Wow, we never got to go on trips like that when I was 14,' Dawson laughed to himself.

'He went to a museum in Boston with school…oh shit,' she said suddenly.

'What is it?' Gail asked, downing her wine.

'I've been drinking, I can't pick him up,' she said dramatically.

'Well so have I, Gail?' Bodie said.

'3 glasses and counting. John is picking me up at midnight when he gets back from settling down Lily…' she turned to Dawson who was nursing his water.

'You don't need to ask, I can go get him.' Dawson got to his feet and brushed down his lap.

'Are you sure? We could wait until John comes back and we can all collect him together,' Bessie said

'And have him wait alone for 30 minutes? No, I'll get him. I will drop him home and wait with him until you get back,' Dawson pulled on his coat and planted a clumsy kiss on Gail's forehead.

'Thank Dawson,' Bessie called out as she watched him leave the restaurant and climb into his car, pulling away and off down the street.

'This is not going to work Bessie, you can't play the two of them like this,' Bodie said, picking up the stacked dishes and taking them through to the kitchen.

'It has to work, for both of their sakes.' She said, walking towards the window to check he had gone. 'Okay, the final part of the deception,'

She pulled out her cell phone and dialled Joey's number.

'Joey? I'm sorry, things here have been hectic…. Aunt Gwen had a stroke…yeah she is okay, she's stable….you are?...oh that's wonderful Joey…I can get Bodie to pick you up?...okay, well he will be there in around 10 minutes…I can't wait to see you…love you too…bye,' she hung the phone up and high fived a waiting Gail.

'Our work is done.' Bessie said, switching her phone back off.

'I really hope this works…' Gail said, switching the lights off in the front of the restaurant, collecting some of the discarded glasses left by Lily.

'It will Gail, come on…lets go home,' Bessie locked the front door, collected their coats and went into the back of the kitchen.

_lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll_

The station was dark when Joey disembarked. She hadn't slept much, panicked about what might have happened to the Leery family and what was going to happen to her when she got back into Capeside.

Her footsteps echoed around the waiting room as she gingerly stepped into the empty room. No one else had gotten off the train at with her. She was alone and the silence scared her slightly.

It hadn't changed since she was a teenager, the décor faded now but ever so familiar to Joey's tired eyes. She remembered the day when Pacey picked her up in tears after her disastrous date with AJ.

_If only he hadn't kissed me…_

She heard a car pull up outside the station and quickly got to her feet, picking her bag up and walking to the exit. Standing outside, the car was not one she thought that Bodie would drive, knowing that Bessie still had the truck. She heard the driver's door open around the other side and saw a baseball caped man get out. It was not for her. She turned around to go back in but the man spoke, halting her.

'I'm sorry have you seen a small boy? He's supposed to be on this train.' Her head snapped around when she recognised the voice.

Their eyes met. Even though they looked very different, even though life had changed their appearances in ways neither of them would accept, the eyes were the same.

'Joey?'

'Hey Dawson.'

The pair of them stood still, lost in each other's eyes, lost in the moment.

A moment neither of them would forget.


	7. Have you Ever?

**Have you ever?**

The wind swirled around the pair, the cold March air biting through both of them. Dawson's face was frozen, his expression as confused as his emotions. Standing in front of him was the love of his life but, with equal measure, the woman who abandoned him.

She looked different. Different in a major way, not the slight change that he and the others had undertaken. Her hair was much shorter than he had ever seen it, layered around her jaw line in sections, flicked up at the back. She was dressed casually but yet stylishly, smart tweed jacket over a pair of smart jeans.

The stood there like statues of their former selves, returned the place it all began. Joey could also see the day when the pair of them parted ways at the train station in Boston, saying goodbye for what felt like the hundredth time that year.

'Hi,' he said cautiously.

'Hey,'

'I was here to pick up Alex…' he began and then realised what had happened.

'…I get the feeling we may have been tricked,' she said, almost in a whisper.

'Yeah…I think maybe Mom and Bess might have too much time on their hands,' he laughed softly.

Joey laughed too. He looked so different from when she saw him all those years ago, different from how he looked on the TV.

'I'm sorry to hear about Aunt Gwen…that's why I came,' she said, suddenly remembering the whole reason for being here.

'How did you know about Aunt Gwen?' Dawson said panicked. The thought that she had come all from way from New York for Aunt Gwen warmed him.

'Hmmm….Gretchen was on TV and said you came home for a family emergency. Bessie told me that is was Gwen. Is she okay?'

'Ummm, I'll tell you on the way home…that is, if you don't mind accepting a lift?' Dawson offered carefully.

Joey remained still, her mind racing at a hundred miles per hour.

'I'm sorry, I'll get Bodie to get you…I was just….' Dawson said, turning to go back to the car.

'No wait. A lift would be great,' she said confidently.

He smiled the boyish smile that made her heart melt. He hadn't had his teeth bleached like Gretchen, Joey noted.

_Gretchen….._

The almost euphoric feeling that was surging through her stopped at the thought of his wife. Being back in this place had almost tricked her into thinking it was the past.

_Remember why you did what you did Joey, never forget_.

Dawson opened the door and took Joey's bag from the place by her feet. She climbed into the car and suddenly felt shivers go down her spine. She jumped when the trunk closed. She jumped further when she heard the click on the driver's door.

He climbed in and started the engine, trying to not look at her sitting beside him.

They were silent. Not that there wasn't anything to say, but there was no way to say it.

'So, Capeside never changes huh?' he offered.

'No,'

'I haven't been back in years and it's like I never left,' Dawson chuckled under his breath.

Joey turned and looked at him. He was desperately trying to talk to her, she knew.

'I know what you mean. I haven't been home for months,' she lied. It was actually years as well.

'I noticed.' He said quietly, turning to smile at her warmly.

_How could it be like this? Why is he so easy in my company?_

'So Aunt Gwen? Bessie wouldn't tell me….' Joey started.

'It's not true. I needed some time off from Hollywood and so I lied about a family emergency. I'm sorry if you were worried,' He had completely forgotten the effect that his lies would have had on other people. He hoped that his mom had called Gwen to let her know.

'Oh I see. Where's Gretchen?' Joey asked.

'Umm….she was too busy really and she had so much on… I just needed some space you know?' he lied, looking over at her concerned expression.

She knew he was lying. She always could tell.

'Oh okay. So how long you home for?'

'I don't know yet. Could be a week, could be a month.' Dawson answered breezily. Or at least what he thought was breezily. 'You?'

'Well I'm on sabbatical so however long I want really.'

Silence fell on the car once again and remained until they pulled up outside the B&B.

'Thank you for the ride, I appreciate it,' She didn't know what else to say.

'Not a problem. Always one for a damsel in distress.' Dawson smiled at her.

The lights were off in the B&B and when she clicked them on, the vision of home flooded her brain. She was on the verge of tears. All the loneliness, all the heartache. Being home made it all too clear to her.

'So, I'm around if you want to… hey? What's wrong,' Dawson saw hat Joey was visibly shaken with the vision of home.

'I'm…..it's okay……just nice to be…..I missed…' she stuttered and raise her hand to her mouth to muffle her sobs.

Dawson then did the one thing he knew he shouldn't, but the one thing he instinctively would always do. He took her in his arms and held her tightly. Her sobbing increased, grabbing at his shirt for comfort. He smelt the same, although he was a lot skinner than before, his scent was the same as when they were young. She closed her eyes tightly and hoped it was not a dream.

Dawson, for his part, had his eyes closed tightly too. She felt so good in his arms; everything he had been missing with Gretchen was here. All the affection he had been storing for years flooded out as he increased his grip on her.

Her sobbing had receded now and she nuzzled into his neck, just like she used to do. He stroked her hair, it actually longer than he thought it was.

She raised her head and looked up. Their eyes met, the electricity sparked between them. The familiar music played in both of their minds, intoxicating the moment.

'Aunt Joey!' Alex suddenly appeared at his bedroom door, the young child she knew replaced by the growing boy he had become.

'Alex!' she tore herself away from Dawson and held her arms open, Alex running towards her and jumping into her arms.

'I missed you so much Aunt Joey, are you here to visit?'

'Yes Alex, yes I am,' she closed her eyes and held him close.

'I better be…you know where I am if you wanna meet up? I'd like to catch up' Dawson interrupted, feeling suddenly very conscious of what had almost happened.

Joey let go of Alex and turned to face him. 'I'd like that too.'

'How about lunch? I know mom could handle a couple of extra customers?' he offered hopefully.

'Okay. 1.00pm?'

'I will see you there. Bye Alex' he waved at the boy, who had since got bored and switched on the TV.

'bye…' he said distractedly.

'See you tomorrow then,' he said, turning his attention to Joey for the last time.

'Yeah, bye,' she mumbled, leading him to the door and closing it behind him before he could turn around. She peaked around the lace curtains as he got into the car and drove away.

_What I'm I doing… _

_LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL_

The next morning provided no clearer answer for Joey.

After a lengthily conversation…well argument…with Bessie about meddling in her life, Joey took the old, rusting truck and drove into town. She was early, but she wanted to see the town. She had missed it, well not missed it as such. She was curious to see what had become of the town, maybe some of the people she had left behind. Although there were some people she was less keen on seeing than others.

Driving past the lanes that lead to Pacey's restaurant, she drove a little quicker than she should of. She didn't hate him, that wasn't it. In a way, he was just doing what they were both bound to do eventually. It just hurt still. She still remembered the day she came home, slowly turning her key in the lock not wake him, because he had been working nights.

And there he was, with Andie, on her couch.

That was what had upset her most. She knew that if she had ever considered cheating on him, she wouldn't have brought it back to her flat, let alone her partners.

'_Gee, was nothing on TV Pace? You should have let me know, I would have rented a movie for the pair of you,' she had said after a few moments staring in disbelief._

'_Shit…Joey! What are you doing back….' Pacey said, hurriedly covering himself and Andie with a nearby throw._

'_Oh you know, I wanted to come home to my tired boyfriend, maybe take him out for dinner. Silly me, I should have known he would be banging his ex girlfriend on my couch,' Joey walked over to the bedroom and pulled his overnight bag from under her bed._

'_Joey….I can explain, it's not…' Pacey had started but stopped when she returned to the room with his bag and coat._

'_I'm going to go to Audrey's. I will be back in 4 hours. I expect you to have collected you stuff, deleted you number from my speedial, redirected your mail, left your key on the table and got the hell out of my apartment and my life for good. I made a mistake on that road trip, a mistake at that supermarket and a mistake in your kitchen in Capeside. I never want to make that mistake again.' She said calmly. _

_She turned to the door and swiftly turned the handle. She turned one more time and looked at the two. Pacey looked shell shocked while Andie looked like a kid who had been caught stealing sweets. She held herself together, swung the door opened and quietly closed it behind her on the way out. _

She shook her head. The sense of relief that she had escaped all of that was still tinged with anger and hurt. It was penance though, she had reasoned, for everything she had put Dawson through.

She parked the truck up outside Leery's Fresh Fish, waved at a smiling Gail from the car. She closed her eyes quickly, trying to get her breath down to a reasonable pace after reliving the past.

The restaurant was warm and welcoming. It hadn't changed since her school days. The familiarity of it struck her like it had in the B&B, although now she was much more in control of her raging emotions.

'Honey! How are you? God I missed you,' Gail said, swooping her up in a tight hug.

'I'm fine Gail, it's wonderful to see you,' Joey embraced her warmly, the well-known arms comforting her.

'Sorry about the trickery…I just wanted to see you … and Dawson.'

'Well, I've almost forgiven Bessie so I could forgive you. Audrey is another matter.' Joey took a seat at the bar.

'So why are you here so early? Dawson said you weren't meeting till 1?'

'I wanted to talk to you. Bessie said I should. About Dawson,' Joey said in a low voice. Bessie had all but bullied Joey into listening about Dawson's marriage.

'Well what do you need to know?' Gail said, taking two glasses and pouring a drink for them.

'Is he happy?'

Gail went stony silent. She passed Joey her drink and took a deep breath.

'No. He's about as lonely as I've ever seen him. Work wise he's never been happier. Successful film, Oscars, star friends. But he's lonely.' Gail said earnestly. Joey's heart felt like it had been punched.

'What about Gretchen?'

'I know she's my daughter in law and I should remain impartial but…she treats him so badly. He just lets it wash over him. I have no idea why, I know he doesn't love her anymore,'

'Why doesn't he…'

'…leave her? It's not that simple honey,' Gail said darkly, looking around her to make sure no one was listening. 'She's already said she would take everything. He tried to leave her, last year after the Oscars. Dawson's too scared,'

Joey felt the lump in her throat get bigger and bigger. Gail's worried face would have been enough to send her over the edge, if it wasn't for the audience the restaurant provided.

'I know you know what happened between us. Bessie told me. You have to know I didn't do it to hurt him. I did it so he could have the happy ending he's always wanted,'

'The happy ending he's always wanted is with you Joey,'

_LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL_

Dawson sat on the bench at the end of dock, his coat bundled around him in an attempt to keep warm. It was failing. He was replaying the moment in his mind.

The moment when he almost cheated on his wife.

And it made him sick to the stomach.

He stood up and marched towards his car, taking his frustration out in every step. Throwing himself at the driving seat and starting the engine, his anger almost subsided.

_Would anyone blame him? Would anyone really?_

He would blame him, he would always blame himself if he did anything. Even if it were with the love of his life.

He rounded the corner onto the main road and his phone began to buzz. It was Gretchen again. She called 4 times that morning but he had been avoiding her calls. He knew he couldn't avoid her forever.

'Dawson Leery'

'What on earth is your personal assistant on about? Why can't you take calls from your wife?

'Sorry. She must have misunderstood. I said no work calls.'

'Yeah, well. The premier went really well. Steven says hi. I was on E apparently.'

'Thanks for asking, Gwen is fine. The family say hello,' Dawson said bitterly, shocked at his wife not caring about what she thought had happened.

'Sorry. I figured cause you didn't call things were okay. So are you home tonight?'

'No, I have to stay and help out for a bit longer,'

'But we have that photo shoot for Oscar Winner's homes.' She whined.

'I've cancelled it. All my engagements are on hold until Gwen is fully recovered.' He said firmly, swinging his car into the parking bay next to the Potter's truck.

'What! Without consulting me? I know that things have been hectic but I would appreciate a heads up.' She huffed down the phone.

'Look, I have a million and one more important things on my plate then some stupid photo shoot. I am going to hang up now and I hope the next time we speak, you show a little more concern and respect,'

'But…' Dawson slammed the phone shut before anything further could be said.

Storming into the restaurant he softened when he saw Joey at the bar. She looked much more relaxed today, casually talking to his mom like it was a thing she did everyday.

'Talking about me then?' he said, planting a soft kiss on his Mom's forehead and a light squeeze on her shoulder.

'I've got better things to do than talk about my Oscar winning son with his highly successful publishing best friend. Oh! My babies have all grown up,' She stood up, making a seat for her son and kissed Joey on the forehead and made her way to the kitchen to watch with interest.

The two sat in silence for a few moments, smiling at each other nervously, Dawson peering over Joey's shoulder to see his mother smiling widely at the kitchen door, trying not to look like she was spying.

'I know we've just got here but…fancy going somewhere else?' Dawson said in a whisper.

'I thought you'd never ask,' Joey replied smiling conspiratorially.

'After three. One…two….'

'Three!' Joey said as they jumped off their bar stools, running out of the restaurant and down to the dockside, laughing like they were school children.

'Well...that's the last time I make them dinner…' Gail mused, smiling widely.

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She looked up as the sound of laughter and footsteps got louder and louder. Looking out the beauty salon window she saw something she thought was impossible.

_No, it couldn't be them. _

She watched as Joey and Dawson ran down the road before her. Dawson was laughing loudly in a way she hadn't seen him do in years. It warmed her heart.

But why was he here?

She took out her mobile phone and pressed in the familiar number.

'Hey, it's me….yeah thanks….look, did you know that Dawson's in town?... yeah and so is Joey…yes together…no I didn't speak to them, I saw them run past the hairdressers just now…yes it's them, I swear…okay, I'll pop in and see you later…give Amy a cuddle from her aunt…bye Jack,'

She narrowed her eyes as she watched the two disappear around the corner of a building at the end of the street.

'So Mrs Witter, we are ready for you now,' the hairdresser said, interrupting her train of thought.

'Please, call me Andie,'


	8. Come on Home

**Come on Home**

'So, how's your hot dog?' Dawson said, lowering himself next to Joey on a bench near the river edge. Since he left, the area had become some what of a town hot spot. Small stalls with fast-food and souvenirs were everywhere, mostly selling Creek memorabilia. Dawson took a big bite into his food, looking over at Joey smiling at him.

'Yummy…not as good as back home but good,' She took another bite and looked out onto the moving river.

'It's still weird to think that New York is your home. You'll always be here in my head.'

'Yeah well, it's the same with me. When I see you on TV, I always do a double take.'

Silence filled the air as it danced with a thousand memories. Images of their lives in Capeside, always interlinked, always together. Their eyes met. The same intense stare they had experienced the night before.

'So…how's life?' Joey offered.

'Don't,'

'What?'

'We have to talk about it Jo. We can't sweep it under the rug like it was nothing,' Dawson stood up and moved towards the bin, taking Joey's rubbish with him.

'I know,' She said quietly, waiting for him to return.

'Why Joey? Why did you run away?' He couldn't look at her, not yet.

'I'm renowned for it, surely you should know by now,' she stood up suddenly, as if physically reinforcing the fact. Moving towards the railing of the riverbank, she laughed softly.

'It's not a joke Joey. It's been torturing me for years. Did I do something? Did I say something wrong?' He followed, his voice almost booming.

She spun around and came face to face with him again. His eyes stern, the anger rising under the surface.

'No…everything was…amazing,'

'Then what?' He softened slightly, images of that evening floating around his mind, blurring his anger.

'I couldn't risk being devastated again. And I knew that I would have ended up putting you through it as well. I thought the best thing would be to disappear, let you be happy with Gretchen, without the whole 'soul mate' thing hanging over your head.' She said, almost in a whisper.

'But refusing to take my calls? Disappearing? Why so drastic?' His voice rose.

'Cause I knew the minute I spoke to your or saw you again it would happen,' she matched his volume, taking a step forward towards him.

'What would happen,' he shouted, causing several people walking along to stop and watch.

'I would fall in love with you again!' She shouted it loudly.

Silence fell between the two of them but the eye contact remained, solid and unwavering.

'And have you?' he said in a whisper, refusing to pull his eye contact from hers.

'What?'

'Have you fallen in love with me?' Dawson asked forcefully, taking another step forward, invading her personal space.

Joey gulped, staring into his eyes intensly.

'…I've gotta go, I can't do this now,' she brushed past him a speed.

'Don't you dare run away again…answer me,' he said as he grabbed her arm, pulling her into his arms.

'Dawson….' She tried to get away, squirming in his arms.

'Tell me!' She stopped squirming as his voice rose again, the grip on her arms tightening.

'Yes, I've never stopped loving you.' She said, almost whispering the words she had been longing to say to him for years.

The words hit Dawson like a train. His grip softened, his eyes closed tightly and he automatically lowered his forehead to hers.

And they remained there for a while, both breathing heavily as Dawson's hands ran down her arms to her hands, their fingers intertwining and clasping strongly.

Joey snapped out of the daze suddenly, when she felt his wedding ring. She pulled away and started to walk away.

'But it means nothing. We lead different lives now, we share nothing but the past.' She said over her shoulder, turning around the corner on the street and heading back to the car.

'That's not true, I've never stopped loving you either' he said loudly, stopping in his tracks.

Joey stopped and span around, looking at his wounded and open expression.

He stills loves me.

But that wasn't enough and Joey knew it. She moved towards him, standing close enough to smell him but not close enough to engage him in physical contact.

'You're married! And not only that you live the other side of the country!' she hissed through her teeth, looking around at the people on the street pointing and starring.

'Where am I now? I'm back here, back in the place it all started. And I want to finish it here. Joey, we can work through this…please think about it,' He reached over and tucked her loose strand of hair that had been playing on her face behind her ear. She felt the sparks, searing her heart as his eyes bored into hers.

'Dawson…' she started but couldn't finish. He cupped her face and planted a gentle kiss on her nose. She pulled away and looked at his pleading eyes once more.

'Just think about it…you and me, always?'

She caught a sob in her throat.

'I know what I want. I know what I have to do to make it happen. I'm just waiting for you,' he said softly, walking up to her and taking her hands once more. 'I'm just waiting for you,'

He squeezed her hands and kissed her cheek lightly, his stubble grazing her soft skin.

She watched as he walked past her, got into his car and drove away.

What neither of them knew, was that someone else was watching too.

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'_So are you going to call her?' Jack said, picking up the discarded toys that Amy had left strewn all over their home._

'_No…maybe…I don't know what to do, it's all too complicated. I mean, you saw what it was like at the Christmas. I don't want to get in the middle of that,' Andie sat at the kitchen table, watching her baby sleep gently in her car seat._

'_I know. Are you going to tell Pacey?'_

'_What? That his ex girlfriends in town, possibly conducting an affair with his sister's husband? No thanks. It an awkward enough situation as it is.'_

'_I know Dawson wouldn't do anything like that, despite how unhappy he is with Gretchen. What did you actually see?' Jack pulled up a chair next to her, placing his hand over hers._

'_Well I saw them running down the street, laughing like they were children and then they disappeared around onto the boardwalk. When I came out of my appointment, they were gone.' Andie recalled._

'_Dawson wouldn't cheat on anyone, neither would Joey. Not intentionally anyway. Plus, do you think either of them would be stupid enough to do it in their home town, when the worlds press is after them?' Jack watched his niece slowly start to stir in her seat._

'_We've married into quite a family huh?'_

'_I know. At least I married the sane one!' Jack joked._

'_Very funny. Pacey can be sane, most of the time,'_

'_What about Joey? You going to talk to her?'_

'_What can I say? I regret the way she found out but it's a hollow apology at best. I got what I always wanted. I got Pacey'_

'_Yeah, at the expense of her happiness…'_

'_Don't start this again Jack. I know how you feel about all of it, I don't need the lecture again,'_

'_Fine, but you need to think about anything you do carefully. If Dawson and Gretchen are having serious problems then you have to let them get on with it. If seeing Joey is making any of it easier for Dawson, then so be it. As for Joey, don't forget you hurt her badly. She might not be offering forgiveness readily,' Jack said sternly, getting to his feet and leaving the room to check on Amy._

_Andie picked her cell phone up and scrolled through the contacts. _

_Gretchen Cell_

_Pacey Cell_

_Gail Cell_

_Potter's B&B_

_She pressed call but the number was engaged. The baby stirred one more time and Andie tried to put it out of her mind._

_At least for the moment. _

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'So he loves you?'

'Yes,'

'Well what you waiting for girlie, get the pants down and the man into bed!'

'Audrey! It's not that simple. He's married,'

'Yeah but…'

'…no buts Audrey. He has to work that all out before anything, hypothetically, could happen.' Joey cut in decisively. She had called Audrey for some constructive advise. All she had got was Audrey.

'So…what you going to do?'

'I don't know yet. I need some space to think…'

'…you've had 4 years to think about it woman!'

'That was not thinking, that was avoidance. I really need to think about it this time.' Joey played with the phone cord, ignoring her sister tapping her pencil on the breakfast table. She had been intensely listening into the conversation since Joey had come home.

'Okay, so you don't mind me not coming up just yet?'

'Actually, I would prefer it,'

'Love you too bunny,' Audrey chuckled down the phone.

'Love you, bye,'

'Bye' Joey put the ancient phone down on the receiver and sat with Bessie.

'So?' Bessie finally said after watching Joey play with her cup of coffee for 5 minutes.

'So what?'

'Don't young lady. I know the Leery stares when I see them. What you thinking,'

'I'm thinking that I might go out…' Joey got to her feet and picked up the keys to the truck.

Bessie stood up to stop her but failed. She was out of the door before she had a chance.

_LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL_

'Hello Icehouse?' Pacey answered cheerfully.

'Hey little brother,'

'Gretchen? How are you doing? You never call me?' He signed a delivery form from one of his waitress's, smiling at the girl as he did so.

'What? Can't a big sister check on her little bro once in a while.'

'Not when she hasn't bothered in over 3 months. Not even when her husband wins an Oscar,' He moved to the office, closing the door firmly and lowering himself onto his couch. Gretchen rarely called him, not even for information on her niece. As for Dawson, they hadn't spoken since the events at Christmas.

'Well we've been busy. I need a favour,'

'So you don't call me in over…' Pacey began but was cut of quickly.

'Shut up, I'm being serious,'

'Whoa, sorry. What do you need?' He got up and moved to his desk, sitting behind his computer and switching it on.

'Dawson is in Capeside, checking on his Aunt Gwen…'

'Gwen? What's happened? Is she okay?...'

'She had a stroke. But that doesn't matter….'

'Please tell me you didn't say that to him. Gwen was a central part of our childhoods…' Pacey began to reminisce.

'Pacey! Focus. He's not returning my calls and I don't have Gail's new number. Could you go over to the Leery house and get him to call me? Check he's not up to anything?'

'What, so I'm now Pacey P.I ?'

'If it helps you get through your hum drum life, then yeah,' He could tell she was getting annoyed and so reluctantly gave in.

'Fine, I do it tonight on the way home. But how are you apart from….'

'Thanks Pacey, gotta run, bye!' He heard the phone click.

'Bye…'

Pacey walked to the door of his office and called in his evening manager, telling him he had to go home for a family emergency and that he was in charge.

It wasn't until Pacey was halfway to the Leery's that he remembered that Gwen didn't live near Capeside, in fact, he vaguely remembered something about Connecticut.

_Something's wrong…_

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_It's so peaceful…_

The water lapped up against the edge of the dock, nudging the old row boat inch by inch closer to his dangling feet. Silence filled the air, but not his mind, which was alive with questions and plans.

He'd never thought he'd be in this position.

He'd never thought he'd be thinking about how to leave his wife.

Really, Christmas was the time he should have closed it down for good. Coming back to Capeside for a big family Christmas had seemed like a good idea at the time, seeing his family and having a break. In reality it was an unmitigated disaster. The screaming argument the two of them had had in front of everyone at the Icehouse was uncomfortable for everyone.

'_You're 30 minutes late Dawson!'_

'_I'm sorry, I got tied up with things at my moms and…'_

'_You knew the deal Dawson. Christmas Day with your Mom and the evening with my family…'_

'_Yeah, but considering you didn't even show up for that, I think the fact I am here at all is generous…'_

_A loud slap rang through the air and Gretchen slugged him across the cheek._

'… _you know why I didn't come to that! How dare you throw it back in my face.'_

'_Actually I don't. Why could you not wait until this evening to see Pacey and Andie?'_

'_Cause I wanted to see the baby. Lord forbid I want to spend time with my family…'_

'_What, and by definition it means we can't see mine?' Dawson pulled his jacket back on._

'_You're a liar anyway! I called you Mom, you haven't been there for 2 hours. Where were you?' She screamed loudly so the whole restaurant could hear._

'_It's not the time…'_

'_Where the hell were you Dawson! I know, you were at that bitch Potter's house? Couldn't wait to come home and get all cosy with your 'soul mate'. It's the truth isn't it?' _

_Everyone watched with interest to see Dawson's response, especially Pacey. His eyes narrowed menacingly at his brother in law. _

'_Actually, Gretchen. I went to the cemetery to see my dad and Jen…' He watched as Jack's face fell slowly, turning to Amy and taking her in his arms. _

_Gretchen's face remained angry but silent. She knew she had over stepped the mark, she knew she was treading dangerous ground. But she wanted to fight._

'_I don't believe you. You're a liar. You were with Joey, I know you were,'_

'_Actually Gretchen, she's in New York with Bessie and Bodie…' Jack said angrily._

_Silence filled the room, everyone desperately looking away from each other and the fighting pair. Dawson wrapped his scarf around his neck, walked towards Jack and kissed Amy on the forehead, handing her a small present he had brought her. It was a heart shaped locket with a picture of Jen inside. _

'_Thanks Jack. I'll call you…' he whispered in his ear as he leaned down to attach the necklace around the little girls' neck. _

_Jack nodded solemnly and watched as Dawson walked out of the restaurant and started his car and drove away. _

They didn't speak for the rest of the holidays, Dawson actually flying home the next day to avoid her. The silence was finally broken when the Oscar nominations were announced, coincidentally enough.

He heard tyres on the driveway, the lights on dimly. Looking to one side he saw the familiar markings on the car.

'Sheriff Doug, what do I owe this pleasure?' Dawson said, walking towards his brother in law with his arm out stretched.

Doug looked him up and down, ignoring his hand and slinging his hands over his belt.

'Stay away from her Dawson,' he said sternly.

'I'm sorry, what?'

'I saw you today Dawson. Now I understand you are having problems with my sister and lord knows I have had a few run in's myself with her. But if I ever catch you with Joey Potter again we will have stronger words than this. You understand me?'

'Yes, I understand.'

'Good. Send me good wishes to your Aunt for me, Gretchen tells me she is quite ill.'

'I will, thanks.' Dawson held his hand out again but Doug turned around swiftly and got back into his squad car. His tyres squealed as he reversed out of the drive and away from the scene.

Dawson remained stuck still, unable to move. Images of being beaten by Doug flooded through his mind.

'Nice to see it's not just me he treats with contempt.'

Dawson looked over and saw Pacey sitting on the porch steps. He must have seen the whole thing. This was the last thing that Dawson had wanted to deal with, both of the brothers.

'Hey Pace…' Dawson walked up to the porch and lowered himself next to him. There was no handshake, no friendly hug, just a nod. That's all there ever was between the two of them.

'So Gretchen called me today, said Gwen was ill. How is she?'

'She's okay. Still quite ill.' Dawson replied solemnly.

'It's funny how you're here when she lives in Connecticut. Surely if you only got here last night, you couldn't have got to and from there that quickly…'

'Yeah well…'

'Come to think of it, your mom was in the restaurant all day. Did she not see her either?'

Dawson opened his mouth to respond but nothing came out. He had been caught and he could feel the lie unravelling underneath him.

'So are you going to tell me what this is about? Why Doug is giving you a strong talking to? Why my sister has to call me to ask where her husband is?'

'I needed a break…'

'Oh, I'm sorry. Is this a vacation? Usually when I go on holiday, I take my wife. 'Pacey said sarcastically.

'She had other commitments. Hollywood's mad at the moment, it was best I…'

'…came back to try and start a relationship with your soul mate?'

'Don't you dare.' Dawson hissed through his teeth.

'Why? You take every opportunity to remind me of my indiscretions.'

'The big difference here Pacey is that I'm not doing anything wrong. I haven't been conducting sexual relations in my wife's house with her old High School friend.'

'No, you're just embarrassing my sister to whole world while you try and chase a woman you've been chasing all your life. Dammit, I know how you feel. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about her anymore. But you have to end this. You are married, you are in love. Leave Joey in the past…or else,'

'Or what?'

'Or I might have to help Doug with his strong words later.' Pacey starred intently in his eyes before standing up and walking away.

_Great, now I'm being threatened by the whole damm family… _

_LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL_

_The flashing lights behind her made her look at her speedometer at once. She was doing thirty, she must be okay. Pulling over to the side of the deserted road she stopped the car and waited._

'_Good evening Miss Potter,'_

'_Doug! Oh my god, how are you! Amy, is she okay?' Joey beamed at the sight of her old friend._

'_Fine. I'm fine. Look Joey, I don't like doing this but I have to. For everyone's sake please go back to New York.' He looked away, unable to take the look of pain in her eyes._

'_What? Doug, I don't under…'_

'_Believe me Joey, I love you. You are one of the best things in Jack and Amy's life and I love it when we come to visit you in New York. But you have no place here anymore. Don't rake up the past, especially when it comes to someone's marriage,' He looked at her, her eyes watering slightly. _

'_..I'm not..I..I..came home to….see my family,' She stuttered with shock._

'_Dawson isn't your family Joey. He's my family and as long as he's married to my sister, I have to do everything I can to make sure their marriage survives. Marriage is a sacred bond, please respect it and go away,'_

_He walked away quickly, unable to speak to her anymore. He knew it wasn't her fault and he knew what he had just done would probably cost Amy her god mother and Jack his close friend._

_But the cost of what could happen was too great and what Gretchen could do would cost even more. _

_And he wasn't willing to cost his family._

_Joey waited until he drove away and then burst into tears. She knew in that moment that nothing she could do would make it possible for her and Dawson to be together. _

_Nothing…_


	9. Say Hello and Wave Goodbye Part 1

**Say Hello and Wave Goodbye. Part 1**

_The wind blew a collection of rubbish down the street, landing it at Joey's feet. She had been crying. She'd been crying since early that morning. She just wanted to stop crying._

_She looked up at the computerised screen of the train station, it's green and yellow letters flickering in the early evening light._

_18.30 New York. _

_She looked at her watch, it was 6.10._

_20 minutes until she could escape._

_20 minutes until she never had to return here again._

_**11 hours earlier…**_

Dawson stood at the door of the Potter B&B, hoping that Joey was awake. He had tossed and turned all night and had come up with a plan, a plan that would work.

It had to work.

Bessie opened the door, her earlier morning routine disturbed by the loud banging on the door.

'Dawson…wow, it's good to see…'

'Is Joey here?' He interrupted.

'She's in bed Dawson, as is most of Capeside. What's wrong?'

'I need to talk to her. It's urgent…' Dawson pushed past Bessie and started for Joey's room, or what he remembered to be her room.

'Dawson wait!' Bessie hissed but couldn't stop him.

Dawson pushed his way into the room, but found a sleeping Alex on the bottom bunk, with Lily asleep on the top.

'She next door…' Bessie hissed behind him, grabbing his shoulder and dragging him out of the room. 'But she is asleep so whatever you've got to say…'

'It's okay Bess,'

Dawson turned around to see Joey standing in her doorway, dressed already.

Bessie looked over at Joey concerned but a silent nod from her was enough for her to leave them alone. She backed away into the kitchen.

'You better come in…' Joey walked into her bedroom, leaving the door open for him to follow.

The first thing that Dawson saw was the suitcase. Packed and by the door, Joey's coat slung over the top. The bed was made and looked like no one had slept in it.

'What's going…'

'I'm going back to New York.' She said determinedly.

'No. No you can't, I've figured out what we can do. I was on the phone to my lawyer last night and if I give her everything, I can just leave her and…'

'You'd do that. You give up everything for me?' Joey seemed genuinely shocked.

'Joey, I would give up the world for you. I love you.' Dawson took Joey' s hand and pulled her towards him, into his arms. 'I love you Joey Potter,'

Joey pulled away, trying to look away from him but she couldn't.

'I love you too Dawson. I always have but…this isn't high school. We can't swap and change partners. You are married…'

'To a woman I don't love and who doesn't love me…' Dawson interrupted.

'Do you realise what this means? If we do this we lose all our friends. We'd lose Amy! Do you think Jen would want that?'

'Do you think she would want this?'

'That's not fair, you can't play that card.' Joey sat down on the bed, her head falling into her shaking hands.

'Why not, you just did?'

'We just can't...I can't ruin your life,'

'Have you not heard anything? My life is in ruins! I live in a house I hate, in a city I loathe with a woman who I despise. How much more ruined could my life get?'

'And what do you think would happen afterwards? Do you think Gretchen will just slink away and not talk to anyone about this? Don't you think she might sell her story to anyone who wants to hear? Imagine what that would do you your family's life, to Bessie and Bodie…'

'I can get her to sign a muzzling act; she couldn't say anything unless she wanted to lose everything.' Dawson sat down next to her, taking her hands. 'I'm going to leave her whatever you decide Joey, I'm sick of being lonely.'

'I'm glad. But we can't start a relationship of the back of your divorce.' She said quietly, squeezing his hand slightly.

'Okay. I accept that. But you can't rule it out? There is love here…'

'..and there always will be. At the moment though, I can't see how we would make this work. Too many people are against this…' Joey said in a whisper, looking at her feet.

'Has someone said something? Pacey? Doug?'

He saw Joey flinch.

'What did he say?'

'Nothing, it was nothing…'

'Tell me what he said Joey…' Dawson said, his voice rising with anger.

'He just said that I should stay out of your marriage. That my place wasn't here and I should leave,'

'Right…' Dawson got to his feet and flew for the door.

'Dawson wait!' But it was too late, he was out of the B&B and into his car by the time Joey had got to the front door.

'Joey, please tell me what is going on…' Bessie said behind her, touching her shoulder lightly.

'I really don't know anymore…'Joey said, tears starting to fall down her face. Bessie took her in her arms and held her while she sobbed.

_LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL_

The door knocked loudly at the Witter – MacPhee residence, causing Amy to jump up and run to the door quickly.

'Wait Amy, you know what we've told you! Don't answer the door to strangers,' Jack lightly scolded her, following her to the door.

'But Daddy, how do I know they are strangers until I answer it?'

Jack stood stunned at his daughter's new and blossoming reasoning skills.

'Well you…I would…go back and eat your breakfast honey,' Jack finally stumbled out with. Amy slunk back into the TV room, becoming engrossed once more with the television set.

He opened the door to see Dawson, his hair dishevelled and a look about him that said he hadn't slept in days.

'Hey, there's my brother in law! I was wondering when we would…'

'Where is Doug?' Dawson interrupted.

'Doug? He's just left the house for the papers. What's going on?'

'I…I don't know anymore…' Dawson's hard exterior melted. Jack always had that affect on him. More so than Andie, Dawson felt that Jack was his only ally in the Witter clan.

'Come on, sit. Tell me. Has this got something to do with Joey?' Jack said, taking a seat next to him on the couch.

'How did…'

'Andie saw you together on Main Street. Laughing like school kids was the actual quote from my fair sister.'

'You haven't told Gretchen have you?' Dawson voice became low and silent.

'No, should I have?' Jack said smiling.

'It's such a huge mess Jack. I'm stuck in a loveless marriage while the woman I love won't even consider being with me,' Dawson fell back onto the couch and covered his face with his large hands.

'Okay…'

Dawson peered between his fingers and saw Jack smiling wildly.

'You don't seem shocked by this.' Dawson said, sitting up to get a better look at him.

'Should I? Come on! At the wedding you pulled a face like a scared pig at a slaughter house, at Christmas you guy's didn't even spend it together and the whole Oscar acceptance thing? I'm surprised it hasn't happened sooner.'

'Then please tell me why Doug has been threatening me and Joey! If it was so obvious, I wouldn't think there was any need for threats,'

Jack smiled disappeared.

'Threats? Doug? When did this happen?'

'Last night he said I should'nt see Joey anymore or he would have some strong words for me. I don't know exactly what he said to Joey but it was something similar,'

'Doug? Nah, he wouldn't do that,' Jack caught the look in Dawson's face. He knew he wouldn't lie.

The door flew open as Doug strode in, reading his paper with one hand and carrying a carton of milk with the other.

'Hey honey. Look who dropped on by?' Jack said sarcastically, standing up and pointing to Dawson.

Doug smiled and looked up, his face turning to stone the minute he saw Dawson.

'Oh…'

'Oh indeed, you mind telling me what's going on here?' Jack said, snatching the papers from Doug's hand. They flew across the floor, revealing several gossip magazines, mostly because Jack loved them so much and had begged for them.

'I think it's pretty obvious,' Doug said dead pan, continuing into the kitchen.

'I came here to say that threatening me is one thing, but Joey is a completely other,'

'I thought I said to stay away from her!' Doug span around from the refrigerator and strode up to Dawson, grabbing him by the collar.

'I'll see who I damm well like Witter! It doesn't matter anyway. I'm leaving Gretchen.'

'You will get your ass back on a plane to Hollywood and make things better with her, do you understand me?'

'Hey guys…' Jack said, standing in the door way of the kitchen with one of the magazines.

'Another threat Sheriff, I think they might take your badge for that,' Dawson struggled to say under the pressure of Doug's arm.

'Hey guys!' Jack said louder this time, looking up and seeing that Doug had now pushed Dawson against the wall.

'You want to try it Leery…'

'HEY APEMEN!' Jack shouted loudly, causing both of them to spin around.

Jack was holding up a centre spread in the Gossip Week. On one side of the page were Dawson and Joey, laughing and joking by the riverside. Dawson realised quickly that they had been spied on.

But it was the other side of the page that caught his attention more readily. Shots of Gretchen, in the dress she was due to wear to the Spielberg premiere, checking into a hotel with one of the executives from the station that used to produce the creek.

And then one of them was of them kissing passionately.

'I think we can put each other down now, don't you?' Jack said firmly, laying the article down on the kitchen table and taking a seat.

Doug let go of Dawson quickly, taking a seat next to Jack and reading the article.

_Till death do you part?_

_Hollywood's current golden couple seem to be ignoring the wedding vows they exchange almost 3 years ago at their luxury Hollywood Mansion. Speculation has been rife for weeks about Dawson Leery and his soul mate Joey Potter, who have appeared to rekindled their friendship. The two friends spent a lovely afternoon in their home town, getting to know each other again…_

_However, back in Hollywood, TV Minx Gretchen Leery was getting to know someone much more intimately. Seen checking into a hotel with The WAB executive Ira Lowenstein, the two were said to be 'all over each other like a rash…' by the hotel maid who took these exclusive shots. A close source said that the pair had been linked together for almost 2 years, a claim that has always been furiously denied by Lowenstein's camp. _

_After spending several hours in the penthouse suite at the Sheridan, the two emerged looking worse for wear. Leery, who had arrived in a stunning Versace gown she had worn hours earlier at a Hollywood function, left wearing the shirt Lowenstein arrived in and some casual slacks…_

Doug face went white and he turned to Dawson, he too intently reading the article.

'Dawson..I'm so…'

'It's okay Doug. I kinda knew for a while there…'

'No, I mean I'm sorry for talking to you and Joey in that way…I've just had a lot…I can't…' he words became jumbled as he started to sob.

Both of the men were taken aback, not used to seeing him so upset.

'Doug, what the hell is going on? Is there something you're not telling me?'

'Doug?' Dawson said, rubbing the man's back as Jack pulled his face into his hands.

'Tell me Doug.' Jack said seriously, wiping the tears away from his face.

Doug took a deep breath and looked Jack in the eyes.

'About 3 months ago, when Gretchen came home for Christmas, she came to me and asked me to keep an eye on Joey Potter's movements for her. She said she was concerned about Dawson 'slipping into bad habits'. So I said no and that if she had a problem with Dawson seeing Joey, she should speak to him herself.'

'Okay, what else?'

'She said that she had thought I would say that and had found something I might want. She said she had found out where Amy's real father was and if I didn't help she would contact him. If I did help, she would give me his details to destroy,'

Dawson stood up and walked to the window, resting his head on the window frame. He couldn't believe she would do something that evil, that despicable.

Jack took Doug's face in his hands.

'And you didn't tell me?'

'I know you never want to talk about Jen or Amy's father and I didn't want to push it… I thought I could handle it,'

'Well, whoever Gretchen has lined up as Amy's father is either lying or imaginary. Neil died two years ago,'

'What? But you never…'

'I didn't say because I didn't think I had too. He was a nasty piece of work who ended up dying in a drink drive accident he caused himself. The only reason I found out was that the police found a cut out of Jen's obituary in his glove compartment with my name circled. But it's over… It's all over ,' Jack wrapped his arms around Doug, gripping onto him tightly. Holding him as close as he could.

'Daddy? Dada? What's wrong with them Unky Dawson?' Amy said, coming into the room.

'They were crying because they are so happy they have you butterfly,' Dawson said, picking the little girl up in his arms and brushing her golden locks away from her face.

'You lie! Why are they really crying?' She said with a lisp, her one eyebrow raised.

Dawson laughed and put her back on the floor, turning her around and patting her on the backside towards her dad's.

'I'm going to go. I have a new call to make to my lawyer now. I'm glad things are sorted now.' Dawson said, picking up the gossip page and leaving the room.

_Now he had a real chance, a real chance of happiness…. _

_LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL_

Gail heard the knock on the door loudly but was so engrossed at the article on Gretchen she was reading she kind of ignored it. She took a sip of her coffee and re read the section on Gretchen. Dawson had called her from his car and told her about it.

'_I'm on the way to Joey's; I've got to get some sense into her,' _

Gail had gone out at once and bought a copy.

'Well well, seems like someone isn't as much as an angel as we all thought she was.' She muttered under her breath, drinking her from her coffee once more.

The door went again.

'All right, I'm coming!' she yelled, marching through the house and swinging open the front door.

Standing on the other side was something she hadn't expected.

'Hi Mom!'

'Gretchen?'


	10. Say Hello and Wave Goodbye Part 2

**Say Hello and Wave Goodbye Part 2**

'Well, aren't you going to ask me in?' Gretchen smiled, tapping her feet slightly impatiently.

'Umm…sure. Hi!' she said, as Gretchen flung herself into her reluctant arms.

'Oh it's so good to be home,' she said, smiling like the cat that had all the cream.

'It's lovely to see you,' Gail lied 'but what are you doing here?'

'Well I wanted to be here to support you, see Jan…'

'Gwen…' Gail interrupted.

'Sorry, Gwen. Where is Dawson?'

'Dawson?...He's at the hospital right now actually. He's on the way home,'

'Oh great. Well I go visit the siblings while I have five minutes then. Can you sort my bags out for me? Thanks mom!' she said, kissing Gail on both cheeks and waltzing out of the door.

Gail gritted her teeth and watched her get into the flashing convertible she has rented and drive off at break neck speed down the country road.

_I must warn Dawson…and Joey _

_LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL_

'So she's been blackmailing Doug all this time?' Pacey said, slumping into the beaten armchair at his brother's house.

'Yeah. Apparently she had some information on Amy's real father.' Jack said, passing Andie a cup of coffee as he sat next to her. He had called the pair of them over once Dawson had left. He knew that Pacey, without really knowing it, would have caused unnecessary trouble for all of them if he confronted Dawson.

'I mean, I knew she could be ill tempered and unreasonable but blackmail, adultery, god knows what else. What's Dawson going to do?' Andie asked.

'All he said was he had to call his lawyer. If he calls upon us to say anything in court, I will.'

'What about Doug?' Pacey said

'Of course I would. She's put me through hell over the last 3 months, believe me, I want her to know what it feels like,' Doug said from the doorway.

'I just don't understand what happen to her! She wasn't like this when she was a child was she?' Andie said, shifting in her seat.

'Well she knew how to have mom and dad wrapped around her finger. And she did play us two off against one another but no, no massively illegal practices,' Pacey said bitterly.

'I think LA must have brought out the worst in her. Can't help living in someone's shadow,' Jack said, picking up the article and looking over it again.

'So, what are we going to do?' Pacey asked, looking over at Doug.

'Well I think the best thing is to leave her alone, let Dawson and her sort out what ever is left of there marriage and then deal with her when she comes running home,' Doug said.

The doorbell rung loudly through the house.

'Must be Mom, she would have seen the article by now,' Doug walked towards the door and opened it widely.

'Hey big bro!' Gretchen stood at the doorway.

Everyone swung around and looked at the doorway, Andie with her mouth open wide.

'Gretchen. What are you…?' Doug said slowly, the anger rising in his throat.

'What is it with you people in this town, no one happy to see me?' Gretchen exclaimed, throwing her arms up in the air and moving towards Doug. But he stepped aside, moving out of her way.

'Huh, rude…hi Pacey. Come give your big sister a hug!' she said, moving towards him.

'Actually, I'm with Doug on this one.' Pacey stood up and brushed past her, moving towards his brother.

'What? I don't understand…' Gretchen looked confused and the partners stood side by side at the door, Jack clenching his fists slightly.

'Maybe you should tell us Gretchen. How's Amy's father?' Jack asked.

'I don't know what you mean…ha ha ha, you guys are so…'

'They know Gretchen. They know,' Doug said quietly.

'Thing is Gretchen, you've got your facts wrong. Amy's father died. I have the paperwork upstairs if you want to see it. Whoever you've got lined up is a fake' Jack said, taking Doug's hand and squeezing it tightly. 'So you can't blackmail Doug into keeping your marriage afloat. You'll have to deal with that yourself,'

Gretchen went white. Her face shrunk into a frown and an evil glare that landed on Jack.

'Oh, the other thing Gretch, you might want to go and see your husband. I think you have some explaining to do.' Andie said, looking her directly in the eye.

'Well, I can see I'm not welcome here. I'll go find my husband then.' She said, holding her head as high as she could.

She reached the door and opened it slightly, spinning around the face the foursome. 'But you hear me. If this mess costs me my marriage, you will all pay,'

'Sorry, that's a risk we're willing to take. Anyway, I don't think that's what's going to end your marriage,' Pacey said moving towards her and pushing her out the door, slamming it for good effect once she was out.

Gretchen stumbled on her high heels and fell to the floor. Her bruised ego and now bruised legs were too much for her to handle. She got up and got into her car, revving the engine loudly as she pulled away.

She knew where she was going.

She knew who was to blame for all this…

_LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL_

'So she was cheating on you all this time?' Bessie asked, looking at Dawson starring at Joey intently.

'Yup. My lawyer says that this is enough to get her to back down. Because the only pictures they have of me and Joey are us just talking, she couldn't pin it on us.' Dawson reached over and squeezed Joey's hand.

She looked up and smiled. 'Even though there is nothing happening,'

'I know. But she convinced herself there is. It doesn't matter. I've filed for divorce.' He said, putting his other hand on hers.

'Wow, that's a big step. Are you sure?' Joey said.

'She blackmails my friends, tries to corner me into having children and finally cheats on me with my ex boss. Yeah, I'm sure,' He smiled, relieved. He knew that to the Hollywood community it was going to look rushed. But he didn't care. He didn't want to go back.

His phone vibrated again but he ignored it. Since he called his lawyers they called every 5 minutes with new clauses and new court dates, plus the beginnings of press attention into the news. Bad news moved fast in Hollywood.

The sound of a car approaching at high speed rang through the house.

'People in this town are getting worse, I'll tell you something…' but Bessie didn't get the chance to finish her sentence. The door flew open and Gretchen stormed in, a wild look in her eyes. All of them jumped to their feet, unsure of what was going to happen.

'I knew it! I knew it! This is it for us. I'm going to take you for everything you have! You here and your slut!' she screamed loudly. Her eyes landed on Joey, who was edging away from the screaming.

'Gretchen, calm down…' Dawson began but she lunged at him, smacking him over the head with her handbag and scratching his face.

Finally Bessie grabbed her arms and held them tightly behind her back, restraining her from hurting him anymore.

'Stay still Gretchen or I will call Doug to hall you off to the station, you hear me?' Bessie whispered into her ear. Gretchen continued to struggle but Bessie held on tight.

'It's over Gretch…I've had enough. I filled for divorce this morning,' Dawson said in a quiet voice.

'You fool, you know I'll take you for everything!' she screamed loudly, bucking against Bessie's tight grip.

'I don't think so. How's Ira?' Dawson said, picking up the magazine and opening the page.

'Ira? Who's Ira, what are you babbling on about!' she said and then her face dropped when presented with the pictures of her. She stopped struggling at once. She looked up at Dawson. He was smiling. Smiling like mad.

'So, I think that we could settle this amicably and quickly? You get the house, the stuff inside it and the cars in LA. I'll get everything else and you never speak to me again, how about that?' he said, nodded at Bessie to let her go.

'It's not that simple Dawson, you've been doing just as much wrong as I…'

'Not true I'm afraid. You see, I have several witnesses' who can state that while I was here in Capeside nothing happened between Joey and me. Do you have that luxury?' His will to finish this grew with every sentence he said, her power over him decreasing.

'Yeah, like they would believe you. Sick aunt was it? That's going to look real good in court…'

'…almost as good as you blackmailing your own brother with fake documents relating to his adopted child? Face it. It's over. Now pack your synthetic little ass back in your car and go home. I'll see you in court.' Dawson turned his back on her to face Joey. But she had gone.

'Where is she? Joey. Joey!' he screamed, running to her bedroom. But her case was gone and the window was wide open.

'Soul mate trouble Dawson?' Gretchen laughed bitterly, picking up the paper and making her way for the door. 'Well, at least my other half isn't so flaky. You're over in Hollywood Dawson. When me and Ira are finished, no one is going to want to touch you.'

'Okay I've had enough of you…' Bessie walked forward and grabbed her bye the arm, opening the door and dragging her towards the shore of the river.

'Are you mad…I'll have you done for assault you bitch!...arrrhhh,' With one massive hurl, Bessie threw Gretchen into the Creek, picking up her designer handbag and chucking it at her head for good measure.

'Now if I find you near my sister or my family again, I will finish the job.' Bessie stared intently into her eyes and marched back to the house.

Gretchen pulled herself out of the creek and crawled back to her car, throwing her wet bag at the seat in anger and pulling out her relatively dry phone.

'Hello Ira….it's me…look I've left Dawson! We can be….what?...what do you mean it's not possible…well screw your press officer, what do you mean 'bad news'…you promised me that if…Ira?...Ira!' her phone went dead.

She picked up her phone and pressed the speed dial of her friend Angela.

'Hi Angela…yeah, pretty bad…you're busy?...well what about tomorrow when I get back?...okay Monday…Tuesday then?...I'm free all week?...fine then, I can fine plenty of other people to hang out with… Bye!'

Maybe life wasn't going to be as easy as she had imagined.

_LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL _

Dawson circled the Main Street for what felt like the millionth time that afternoon. He had gone to all the places she would have gone. Or at least the places he thought she would be.

But she was no where.

He parked by the train station hoping that she might be there, maybe on the way home.

He walked into the waiting room.

Was it really only two days ago when I first saw her?

He looked at the TV screen, flickering in the corner of the room.

_**18.30 New York.**_

Glancing at his watch, it was past due. Something fell inside of him.

'Excuse me, has a young woman bought a ticket for the 18.30 train? Late 20's, brown hair, glasses?' he asked the girl behind the ticket counter.

'Yes sir, around 40 minutes ago. But the New York train's just left sir,' she smiled at him.

_Oh my god, I can't believe it's Dawson Leery!_

'Thank you very much,' he said to the girl, smiling politely to hide the disappointment.

'Oh sir, could I have an autograph?' said asked hopefully.

Dawson looked at her optimistic face and melted. 'Of course,'

'Thank you Mr Leery, I loved you film.'

'Finding you?' Dawson said, signing the crumpled bit of paper she passed through the hatch.

'No, Love Lost Again.'

Dawson looked up and saw the girl smiling. It was a genuine smile, something he hadn't seen in a while.

'Thanks, not many people say they like that one,' he pushed the piece of paper through the hatch.

'What! It's amazing, all that love and tension between the two. Plus the message is such a strong one, it's an a amazing film Mr Leery,'

'What was the message?'

'Well, I think it's about realising that no matter where you are in the world or whatever you are doing, love never ends. That you could be on another planet but if you love someone, it doesn't matter where you are,' she said.

Dawson considered this moment. Considered the honest and open opinion of someone who loved his work. It touched him. More than that, it made him realise something he should have known all along.

'When's the next train to New York?' he said, pulling his wallet out.

'Umm…actually there is one in 20 minutes, its rush hour.'

'Can I have a ticket please?' he said, pulling a card out and almost throwing it through the hatch.

'Certainly. One way or return?'

'Oh, one way.' He said confidently.

'Okay, sign this…perfect. One way ticket to the big apple for you,' she said, pushing the ticket and card back through the hatch and smiling at him once more.

'Thank you. What's you name?'

'Debbie,'

'Well Debbie, consider myself a fan of yours. Next time I make anything, you're in it,'

'Seriously! Wow, thank you Mr Leery,' she all but screeched out of the hatch.

'Bye,' He said, grabbing the ticket and walking on the platform.

The girl pulled out her cell phone and hastily pressed her last number redial

'Sandra, you'll never guess who I've just served?'

The platform was deserted. Dawson saw that since he had used it last they have opened a coffee shop in one of the waiting rooms.

_Why not, I've got time to kill…_

Sitting at the table by the window, her bags at her feet, sat Joey. She had been crying, he could tell. She stared out of the window, her crumpled ticket in hand.

'Stopped running yet?' he said in a soft voice.

She gasped as she turned to face him. Looking down she saw the ticket in his hand.

'Have you?'

'No. But I'm not running away. I'm running to something. I'm running to you,'

She stood up quickly and wrapped her arms around him tightly. Closing his eyes, he drew in her scent, filling his head. She did the same, adoring the way he felt. The way he felt in her arms. For the first time that day, she wasn't crying.

'So, Gretchen gone and I'm slightly homeless. Plus I have nothing to do.' He said, pulling away so he could look her in the eyes, still holding her in his arms.

'I think we could work on that,' she said, leaning her face forward into his. Her soft lips met his and the fireworks in her heart downed out the concerns in her heart. Dawson's hand found their way to her face and through her hair.

'Wahoo! Way to go Dawson!' the café assistants shouted. The pair broke away quickly, startled by the round of applause given by the staff at the train station, including the ticket girl.

'Is it always going to be like this? I mean, does dating a Hollywood star mean we are going to have a constant audience,' Joey said sarcastically.

'Yeah.'

'I wouldn't have it any other way,' she said, pulling him into another kiss.


	11. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

And so Dawson and Joey's lives truly began.

Without the fear that had held them back before.

_The biggest fear having been realised when they lost each other._

Of course it wasn't easy. Two blissful weeks hidden in a rental house in Capeside soon came to an end and both of them had to re-enter the real world, Joey going back to New York and Dawson heading back to LA to try and organise his divorce to Gretchen.

Not that she had made it easy. Devoid of any friends, as the Hollywood circle moves quickly from friend to friend, she turned to the only thing she knew would help her.

4 television interviews and several print articles later, everyone knew the 'truth'. That Dawson had been seeing Joey behind her back for the entirety of their marriage and that she was 'forced' into a relationship with Ira to plug the desperately lonely hole in her life. For a while she was the toast of Hollywood again, her old friends calling her and offer's for television shows flooding in.

It didn't last for long. Audrey's Broadway career had gone from strength to strength and she was cast as the lead in the film version of her musical. When giving an interview she revealed at lot more than anyone was expecting, mostly Gretchen.

'_So were you shocked by the breakdown in the Leery's marriage?' Jenny Silvers had asked her during an E exclusive interview._

'_Not at all. She had been sleeping with Ira for the length of their marriage,' she had answered casually. _

'_That's not what she is saying. How did you know?'_

'_Well, lets say I saw her get more than a dance from Mr Lowenstein at her wedding…'_

Even Dawson was shocked by that one. The interview continued with the truth about Joey and Dawson.

'_So you had a close relationship with Joey Potter over the last 10 years. Is it true about her affair with Dawson Leery?'_

'_Absolutely not. I lived with Joey in New York and at no point did she even speak to Dawson, let alone do the nasty! She wanted to give Dawson the chance to work at his marriage, despite her feelings for him,'_

She had later gone on to reveal to Dawson that it was her that had hired the P.I who took the photo's that finally caught them out. Handing Dawson a big file, full of other pictures and audio tapes, she smiled and ruffled his hair.

'_That should help you with the divorce honey,' _

And it did, the transcripts were made open to the public and had vindicated Dawson and restored him as an up and rising star. It became very clear that Gretchen wasn't the wronged woman she had made everyone think she was. Dawson, in the circumstances, was more than generous with her settlement. It meant she wouldn't have to work again. But then, he kind of knew, she would never be able to work in the town again. So she quietly dropped out of the media circus, crawling back to Capeside to beg forgiveness from her family. Not that it was readily coming. And so she got in her expensive car and drove away, not to be seen again.

Things for Joey changed swiftly too. Her boss, finally tired of her celebrity status, issued her a warning, which she took…and then quit her job. She packed her apartment, put all of it into storage and travelled to LA to finally be with the man she loved.

They finally got married at the ruins in Capeside, after much bargaining and finally having to buy the place from the elderly owner. It was a simple wedding, with no one from Hollywood there…well except Audrey who was maid of honour. They laughed and danced late into the night and the little girls got to wear non itchy bridesmaid dresses.

So when time came for the pair of them to decide what to do, it seemed so obvious that they couldn't believe they hadn't thought of it before. Joey wrote a long and thoughtful script from Dawson's old beach house (which Dawson managed to buy back from the owners) and Dawson helped to turn it into a screenplay. They pitched it to several Hollywood players and then Spielberg, who insisted on making it. 2 long years later, _'And so it is'_ was made and released, re-launching Audrey onto the world stage once more and the unknown Debbie Wheeler from Capeside. It turned out she was a wonderful actress. The film went national and was extremely popular.

And so that brings us to tonight.

Joey sat next to her husband, reaching over and squeezing his hand gently as the beautiful young actress crossed the stage towards the podium, in his hand was a cream envelope.

'Talent is said to be 5 inspiration and 95 perspiration. Tonight we celebrate the inspiration and perspiration of the following writers. Here are the nominations for Original Screenplay.

Maria Adair for Protect and Serve

Francis Bretagne for Expiration Date

Michele Gondry for The World End

And Josephine Potter for And so it is.

And the Oscar goes to…Josephine Potter,'

Joey leant over and kissed her husband deeply, pulling away to see the smile on his face. The crowd behind her cheered loudly and got to their feet.

'Unfortunately Josephine Potter could not be with us this evening, but I know I speak for Joey when I say she is thrilled and wants to thank me for everything,' Audrey said through the television, winking at the camera. The auditorium at the Kodak theatre laughed loudly.

'She is currently at home with her friends and family and the newest arrival Louisa. Hi Louisa, it's your aunt Audrey!'

Joey laughed loudly at Audrey pulling faces to the camera. The TV makers were obviously humouring her. She looked down at the new born baby in her arms. Louisa had surprised everyone, including most of PR people who worked for Joey and Dawson's company. 5 days before they were both due at the Oscars, Joey having picked out a sensible maternity evening dress made for her by Valentino, she went into labour during her brief visit to Capeside before taking the train back to Hollywood. Caught completely off guard, she ended up having the baby on the floor in the Gail's family room, the same place that Bessie had given birth years before.

'So let me finish by saying that Joey, of course, thanks her scrumptious husband Dawson and her friends and family. I'll see you soon Bunny with this!' she said, holding the Oscar in the air.

The music started again and Audrey walked elegantly off stage with the Oscar. Joey mused that things couldn't have turned out better. The thought of being in front of everyone at almost 9 months pregnant frightened her. Let alone the thought she might have won!

'So, I now have a pair of Oscar winners for children!' Gail exclaimed, draping her arms across both of their shoulders while starring down at her first grandchild.

'I'm so happy for you guys!' Jack said, kissing Joey on the check and shaking Dawson's hand vigorously.

'Thanks. It's all a bit too much at the moment!' Joey said, brushing a tear away from her face. 'I'm just going to put her to bed for the rest of the show, I'll be right back,'

'I'll do it! I don't mind,' Gail said enthusiastically.

'No, no. Stay, I won't be a second.' She said, getting to her feet and making her way to the staircase.

'Congratulations Dawson, you must be so proud,' Doug shook his hand.

'It's not every week your wife gives birth to your first child and wins an Oscar. But that's Potter for you, always over achieving' Pacey said, slapping him on the back.

'I am proud of her. It's been such a huge change over the last few years. I'd never thought I'd be here,' he said thoughtfully, hearing Louisa cry slightly. 'I'm going to go check on her, excuse me,'

Joey was leaning over the cot in Dawson's room. His mother, still unable to let go in some respects, had not changed the room since he changed it for his film years ago.

He snuck up behind her and kissed her on the neck, wrapping his arms around her. She leaned back and sighed deeply.

'This feels so weird…' she murmured.

'I know. But the Oscar thing wears off quickly, believe me,'

'Not that. Being a mom. Having her here with me. It's just…wow! You know what I mean?'

'Yeah I know…expect the part of being a mom…' he laughed.

Joey slapped him playfully on the arm and laughed too.

'Is she asleep?' Dawson whispered.

'Yeah, just about. Lets go join the others, see how the film does with the other nominations,' Joey grabbed his hand and led him out of the room, closing the door quietly.

'Wait, before we join the others, I just wanted to tell you how proud I am and that I love you so much,' Dawson kissed her on the lips, running his fingers through her now long hair.

'I love you too Dawson,' she whispered, their foreheads touching.

'Hurry up you two, it's the best director award,' Andie cried from downstairs.

But the two didn't move, not even when the cheer erupted from downstairs. And again when a second cheer went up several minutes later.

Their foreheads touching, their fingers entwined and their hearts joined forever, they stayed still for a long time.

'_I love you Joey,'_

'_I love you too Dawson,'_


End file.
